


If We Ever Meet Again

by AngelsFallFirst



Series: IWEMA/NAA/HYIMA [1]
Category: Nightwish
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-27
Updated: 2015-09-27
Packaged: 2018-04-17 12:59:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 22,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4667402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelsFallFirst/pseuds/AngelsFallFirst
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tarja visits her family in Kitee ... And something unexpected happens.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> [Tarja/Tuomas/Nightwish Fanfiction]

December 31st

"Yes, we just landed, I'll look for the train now", the black haired Finn smiled and held her daughter closer. "I wish you a happy new year too, honey." She waited and smiled a little as her husband told her that he loved her. "I love you too. So sad you couldn't come with us ..."  
"Daddy!", the little girl said sternly and the woman laughed, before she gave her phone to her daughter. She took it smiling. "Hi, dad", she said with her cute voice.  
The girl's mother let them talk and concentrated at the destination boards.  
Kitee, 10 minutes, rail 3  
After the call had almost found an end, Tarja put Naomi down. "Honey, can you walk? I need my hands for the suitcases." Naomi nodded and grabbed her mother's jacket. She always did, she was so smart. She knew, when her mother couldn't carry her, she had to hold something of her so she wouldn't get lost.  
"Bye daddy", she said. "Mommy looks stressed." She giggled. "I'mma tell her. Okay. Bye, daddy. Love you."  
She put the phone in the pocket of her mother's jacket and they started walking towards the railway station, the woman holding the suitcases, the girl holding her mother.  
"What did your father say?", Tarja asked as she started looking for a way to reach rail 3.  
"You shall forget your work for a moment", Naomi mumbled. "And relax."  
The singer smiled. The words were true but she couldn't forget anything ... Everything completely stressed her at the moment, her work, her husband, even her daughter ...  
She had tears in her eyes as she looked down at her sweet, little Naomi. She had never regretted getting her, but there were things she sometimes regretted.  
Marcelo. She loved him, no doubt ... But she didn't love him like she used to. They were married for twelve years already, which was a lot. And sometimes the little things made her freak out ...  
"Mommy?"  
"Sorry, sweetheart. I'm just nervous. I haven't been back to Kitee for a while."  
Naomi didn't answer, but in her eyes Tarja saw that she knew she lied. This kid was so smart.  
Tarja walked towards the exit of the hall, the exit which showed a big "3".  
And as they stepped out, a woman announced that the train would be delayed for a few minutes.  
"What did she say?", Naomi asked and pulled at Tarja's jacket. "Mommy, what did the Finnish woman say??"  
"The train will arrive a little later", her mother translated to Spanish. "It will -"  
But she got silent as her gaze fell on a tall woman, who was leaning against the wall. She couldn't see her face, it was hidden by the woman's long hair, but she recognised her posture. She was leaning against the wall in a casual way, typing a SMS quickly. One of her legs was touching the wall, the other foot was positioned on the street.  
"Naomi, baby - wait here!", Tarja said and swallowed. Could it be ...?  
Naomi put her hands on the suitcases. "Not going away!"  
Tarja smiled at her little angel and approached the woman. If she only could see her face ... Or upper arms, so she could be sure. But it was cold, she wouldn't take off her jacket.  
Tarja swallowed again ad then she just dared to say it. "Floor?"  
The woman's head shot up and Tarja's heart stood still for a second - it was Floor!  
"Tarja!!", she shrieked and wrapped her arms around the stunned woman. "What are you doing here??"  
"What are you doing here??", Tarja shouted back and hugged the tall woman. "Are you going to Kitee?"  
"Yes, I - oh, you're here with Naomi?", Floor said and walked over to the girl. "She's so beautiful, Tarja! Hey, girl!"  
Naomi looked at Floor with big eyes.  
"She only speaks Spanish", Tarja said. "And a little Finnish." She turned to her daughter. "This is my friend Floor", she told her daughter in Spanish and Naomi smiled at Floor.  
"She's gorgeous", Floor said and turned to Tarja, the very moment the train rolled in the station. "Wanna share a cabin?"  
"Oh, I'd love to!", Tarja said. "We'll have so much to tell each other!"  
They looked for a cabin which was big enough for two women, a kid and four big suitcases and they let themselves fall on the seats.  
After several fans had entered and asked for an autograph of the current Nightwish-singer and the ex-Nightwish-singer, they finally had their peace.  
"Someday I want to go somewhere no one knows me", Tarja sighed. "Where could that be?"  
Floor shrugged. "I don't know, but take me with you."  
"I already promised Sharon to take her with me", Tarja laughed.  
"Let's go together!", Floor suggested. "And if there's someone who knows us ... Well, this person will probably die."  
Tarja giggled. "Yes ... Anyway, why are you going to Kitee?"  
"I'm not going to Kitee ... I'm going to visit Jukka", Floor sighed.  
"Oh", Tarja mumbled.  
"Yes ... The boys are busy and sent me to give him a late christmas present. We all thought of something, and well ..." Floor smiled at Tarja, who was looking at the tall woman a little uncomfortable.  
"How ... How are you?", she mumbled then.  
"Well, we are a bit stressed", Floor sighed. "Tuomas writes more songs than ever, I think a muse kissed him." Floor laughed, but she stopped quickly, as Tarja didn't join. Oh, right. This was a dangerous topic.  
"And ... And Emppu is no big help", she stuttered. "He only fools around, well, as always, and then Tuo gets angry and -"  
"Can we talk about something else?", Tarja mumbled. It hurt her - talking about the boys.  
Talking about Tuomas and how he wrote one song after the other.  
That a muse had kissed him.  
Floor calling him Tuo ...  
The Dutch woman nodded. "Sorry", she said.  
"Hey, no problem. It ... It still hurts a little, but it's okay", the Finn mumbled and tried to avoid the tall woman's look.  
It hurt a bit?  
It hurt a lot.  
Alone looking at Floor made her heart tear apart. How happy she was to be in the band ... But the worst was thinking of Tuomas.  
Tarja turned to her daughter and started talking to her in Spanish, so she didn't have to look at Floor, but the Dutch wasn't stupid. She noticed that Tarja avoided her look and she also noticed that it hurt the woman talking about the band ...  
They didn't talk much during the drive, only if it was necessary. And as Tarja had fallen asleep after a while, Naomi began talking to Floor and Floor tried to understand the little girl's blabbing. Naomi didn't seem to care that the woman didn't understand her, she told her about her life and how often they were in a plane and how often they were in foreign countries and so on.  
Floor found the conversation funny, and after a while she answered the girl's Spanish in her own way - Dutch.  
And soon the little girl began to sing some parts of her mother's songs to Floor.  
After an hour Tarja suddenly awoke and caught her daughter and Floor 'talking'. She smiled weakly but froze when she understood Naomi's words.  
"Daddy thinks that Mommy doesn't love him anymore, but he doesn't want to talk to her about that."  
Tarja's heart almost stopped and she thanked God that Floor couldn't understand the girl.  
"She comes home late and doesn't even kiss Daddy goodnight", Naomi mumbled. "He thinks she needs holidays. Without him."  
Floor answered something in Dutch and Tarja sat up.  
"Mommy!", Naomi called. "Flo and I had a convo!"  
Tarja laughed, first because Naomi loved to use words like convo and second because she had called Floor Flo.  
"Her name's Floor, sweetheart", Tarja told her daughter.  
"But Flo sounds so cool", Naomi pouted.  
"I hope she didn't bother you", Tarja said and Floor shook her head.  
"She is amazing, Tarja! How old is she again?"  
"Three and a half years", Tarja said and looked at the toddler lovingly.  
"Astounding", Floor said. "She sings your songs as if she has never done something else."  
"What did she sing?", Tarja laughed and lifted her daughter up, kissing the giggling kid.  
"Uh, I understood I found myself in love, but that was the only thing I understood", Floor admitted and Tarja nodded.  
"She loves singing, especially my songs." She looked at her angel again, not able to forget what she had said not a minute ago.  
Daddy thinks that Mommy doesn't love him anymore.  
Why?  
"So, how long will you stay?", Floor suddenly asked and Tarja shrugged.  
"A few days, maybe. I only want to see my family, they always whine that I never visit them ..."  
"Well, you have a life", Floor said. "And a daughter and a husband."  
Tarja smiled lightly. Yes, she had a husband who had sent her away because he thought she didn't love him anymore.  
Tarja opened her mouth to tell Floor what Naomi had said, but the silence was suddenly interrupted through a crack.  
"Ladies and gentlemen, our next stop will be Kitee main station."  
"Did she say Kitee main station?", Floor asked and Tarja nodded.  
She stood up and put on her jacket again. Then she helped her daughter putting on her jacket, while the girl sang Deliverance once more.  
"Beautiful, honey", Tarja said as she kissed her daughter's forehead. "Are you looking forward to spend new year's eve with your grandma?"  
Naomi nodded and pointed at Floor. "Will Flo come too?"  
"Floor is going to visit someone else, baby", Tarja said and closed Naomi's jacket.  
"Who?", Naomi asked and looked at Floor.  
"Honey, please stop bothering her", Tarja said, happy that Floor didn't speak Spanish.  
Naomi shut her mouth and looked at the taller woman a little sad. It made her sad that she whether spoke Spanish nor Finnish.  
"Well, then", Floor said. "Do you think I'm able to have another guest appearance one day?"  
Tarja smiled. She couldn't say it, but having Floor around made her think of Nightwish ... "Sure", she blurted out. "I'd be honoured!"  
"The honour is on my side", Floor said and hugged Tarja as the train came to stand.  
Tarja hugged her tall friend back. "See you!"  
"Hopefully soon!", Floor said and also gave Naomi a little hug.  
"Bye, Flo", the toddler said and together with her mother they walked out into Tarja's hometown.

\---

January 3rd

"We've already spent new year's eve with you and yesterday! Oh, I forgot to mention - now we'll stay until tomorrow because you couldn't let us go yet. What do you want more?", Tarja asked icily.  
"I want you to move here!", Tarja's mother whined. "You and Marcelo and Naomi! I barely see the kid. Someday I will die and she won't even come to my funeral because she never saw me."  
"Stop it, mother. You know I won't go away from Argentina."  
"I can't even talk with her!", Marjatta went on. "Everytime I ask her something, she answers me in Spanish! I at least want my grandchild to learn her mother tongue -"  
"We live in Buenos Aires", Tarja said sternly. "Spanish is her native language!"  
"But not her mother tongue!", Marjatta shouted and then sighed. "Honey ... All I ask for is that I get to see Naomi more often ... She'll get four this year and this is the second time I've seen her."  
"I'm so sorry, mother", Tarja whispered. "But Marcelo won't leave Argentina for me ... Again. Do you need something else from the grocery store?"  
"Milk", Marjatta sighed. "Thank you for helping me."  
Tarja called her daughter and little Naomi stepped closer, wrapped in her thick jacket and her new scarf and bonnet.  
"Who looks gorgeous, huh?", Marjatta aksed and beamed at the kid.  
Naomi eyed her mother and then smiled at her grandmother. "Kyllä!", she shouted and Tarja shook her head as Marjatta frowned.  
"Wrong answer, honey", she said lowly and took her daughter's hand. "Come on now, let's take the bus to the city", she said and Naomi shouted "Kyllä!" again.  
In the bus she met a few people she knew, but all of them ignored her. They only stared at her.  
"We'll never move here", Tarja whispered into Naomi's ear. "Just look how unfriendly they are ... They can't even say hello."  
"Yes", Naomi blabbed and looked up to her mother. "Unfriendly they are!"  
Tarja laughed.  
In the supermarket she met an old friend of her, and she was the first one to say hello.  
"Oh, your child is gorgeous!", Suvi said and shook hands with Naomi. "And she is so smart! Is your husband also around?"  
"No, he had to stay at home", Tarja said with a bad conscience.  
"Oh, pity. I would love to meet him one day!"  
"I'm sure you will one day", Tarja said and Suvi nodded.  
"Give me a call, I gotta pay now! My boyfriend's waiting."  
They hugged and Suvi went away.  
"Is she a friend?", Naomi asked as Suvi was out of sight.  
"She was one of my closest friend", Tarja answered. But not even my closest friend treat me the way they used to treat me, she thought sadly. Well, too much has happened since I last saw them ... Nightwish. The marriage. When I moved away. The split. Naomi ...  
Tarja looked at Naomi, who was looking at some Finnish magazines with quiet "Ohhhhh"s.  
"Honey - stay here for a moment. I'll be right back, okay?", Tarja told Naomi and the kid nodded. Tarja went away to get the rest of what he mother needed. Not even two minutes later she went back to pick up Naomi - and froze as she saw her daughter talking to a red-haired woman, and it seemed that both were talking Spanish.  
Tarja opened her mouth to call Naomi's name, but before she could say something, she heard a soft gasp behind herself.  
Tarja turned around and her heart stopped beating as she looked right into the shocked face of a man she hadn't seen in ten years - the face of her former best friend and band-colleague Tuomas Holopainen.


	2. Chapter 2

January 3rd

For a short time the world seemed to stand still. The green eyes and the blue eyes sunk deep into the other's and for a moment everything else seemed not important.  
Tarja's heart was beating in slow motion as the blue eyes scanned her face. It was unbelievable, they were just standing there and looking at each other ...  
Tuomas was dazed.  
The Tarja he knew was pretty but this woman ... She was simply beautiful. She was stunning. Her eyes still had the green he had fallen in love with, but her face was different. She looked so feminine ... And so mature.  
"Tarja ...", he breathed and Tarja's heart skipped a beat.  
"Tuo ...", she whispered back and he pulled her in a bone crashing hug.  
Tarja closed her eyes as she wrapped her arms around her ex-best friend and inhaled his scent. He still smelled like he always had.  
Tuomas hugged her tighter, she was there, she was here with him, he pulled her tight so she couldn't fade away, like she did in his dreams.  
He buried his nose in her black hair, gosh, she still smelled like his Tarja had smelled.  
Tarja hugged him back, happy that she finally knew:  
She had forgiven him, after all these years she had forgiven him and his decision to fire her.  
After a half eternity they let go of each other.  
Tuomas cupped her face and brushed her tears away. "Don't cry", he pleaded and Tarja laughed quietly as she lifted her hand up to his face and touched the tear which was about to drown in his beard.  
"Don't cry", she whispered and Tuomas smiled.  
Both their eyes were shimmering, both were smiling happily.  
And Tuomas pulled her in another embrace, this time though in a lighter one. She really was here and she wouldn't fade away. His Tarja was back ...  
A sudden clearing of a throat interrupted his thoughts and he let go of Tarja one more time.  
Tarja turned around and saw the redhead staring at her almost challenging, while Naomi still studied the magazines.  
"Johanna!", Tuomas said and Tarja's heart almost stopped. Right, she was his girlfriend ... Of course she had heard about her. Her heart almost broke when Tuomas shoved her away from his body.  
She felt bad about it, but she missed his arms around her. Well, why shouldn't she? He hadn't touched her in ten years and after all he had been her first love ... Secretly, of course.  
"Johanna, that's Tarja", Tuomas said nervously. "Tarja ... Johanna. M - my girlfriend."  
"Fiancée", Johanna corrected and now Tarja's heart really stopped beating for a moment.  
They were engaged.  
Her Tuomas was engaged.  
Suck it up, Tarja, you are married!, Tarja thought and forced herself to smile. "Hi, Johanna", she said and held out her hand.  
Johanna took it and they shook hands, both smiling at each other.  
Tarja couldn't see any sign of rivalry or jealousy in Johanna's eyes, which made her both feel angry and guilty.  
Angry, because Johanna obviously didn't see her as a rival, and guilty, because she felt angry about that Johanna didn't see her as a rival.  
"Nice to finally meet you, Mrs Turunen!", Johanna said giddily and another wave of guiltiness hit her. Johanna seemed so nice. Tuomas had deserved someone like her, someone pure and innocent like her.  
Yes, she was young ... She seemed like she was 30 or even younger, but Tarja couldn't stop smiling at her. She was a good person, Tarja could feel that. Her charism seemed pure and light.  
Tuomas deserves her, Tarja thought and her heart seemed to burst with a bang.  
She wanted to cry.  
Had Tuomas ever loved her, or had everything just be imagination?  
Wishful thinking?  
"Your daughter is so pretty!", Johanna went on. "And so smart! I've never believed that I'd ever meet you!"  
Her eyes shone and Tarja had to smile again.  
She was a fan. How could she hate that woman?  
No, she couldn't hate her, even though she was Tuomas' ... fiancée.  
"Thank you", Tarja said, trying to hide her aching heart behind a smile. "Uhm - and congratulations to your engagement ..."  
"Thank you", Johanna said and turned around as Naomi called her.  
"Honey, we'll drive now", Tarja let her daughter know and Naomi pouted.  
"But I want to spend time with my new friend!", she said and Tarja felt another pang in her chest. Her new friend.  
Tuomas' wife-to-be.  
"Aw, Namu", Johanna said and bent down. "We'll see each other soon enough, I promise", she then answered in Spanish.  
Tarja watched her daughter and her first love's fiancée interact. She couldn't help it, but it killed her. It killed her that he had found someone, and it killed her, that she couldn't be happy for him.  
"She's precious", Tuomas suddenly mumbled and Tarja held her breath as he circled his arms around her from behind. "And she looks like you", he breathed into her ear and a shiver went down her spine.  
"You think?", she whispered and Tuomas turned her around so they could look at each other.  
"Tari", he carefully used her old nickname. "I missed you so much ..."  
Another tear fell down his face and Tarja embraced him for the third time. "I missed you too, I missed you so much it hurt", she whispered.  
"I'm sorry, Tari ... For everything", Tuomas mumbled and Tarja tightened the hug. "I am sorry", she whispered and closed her eyes. "For everything ..."  
"Johanna, why are my mommy and that man cuddling?", Tarja could hear her daughter ask.  
"You don't know him?", Johanna asked. "He's your mother's best friend, Namu, but they haven't seen each other for ten years."  
"Oh", Naomi answered. "Do you know him?"  
"I'm going to marry him in a month", Johanna said and Tarja could hear how much in love she was.  
A month.  
Tarja started sobbing quietly and Tuomas patted her back. "I'm sorry", he whispered again and Tarja let go of him.  
"I - I have to go", she whispered, pushed him away and grabbed Naomi's hand. "Say goodbye", she told her and Naomi hugged Johanna.  
"Tarja - can we meet? Tomorrow?", Tuomas asked.  
"We'll fly back to Argentina tomorrow", Tarja said.  
"Then today!", Tuomas pleaded. "Please, Tarja, I need to talk to you ..." His eyes had such a pleading look, so Tarja nodded.  
"Okay ... At seven?"  
"Our bar?", Tuomas asked and Tarja nodded with a smile.  
Their bar.  
Tuomas smiled back.  
Their eyes met again and Tarja's heart almost stopped.  
'I still love him.'  
Tarja swallowed and grabbed Naomi's hand once more. "See you", she mumbled and pulled her away from them.  
And in the bus her faked smile faded away completely and the tears streamed down her face.  
"Mommy, why are you crying?", Naomi asked and wrapped her arms around her mother's neck.  
"Nothing, sweetheart. I just haven't seen him for such a long time ..."  
"Did you miss him?", Naomi asked.  
"A lot", Tarja whispered and kissed her daughter's forehead.

\---

January 3rd, evening

Tarja didn't know why she dressed up like for a date, but she felt as if she had to.  
Her heart was beating madly as she thought back to how he had embraced her in the shop.  
How he had told her he was sorry.  
How he had told her that he missed her.  
And then, how she had noticed that she still loved him after all those years.  
She felt so guilty, after all she loved Marcelo. Or didn't she? She hadn't talked to him since New Year's eve, and, truth be told, she hadn't missed him the way she should ...  
Tarja bit her lip, why was her heart beating when she thought of Tuomas? It shouldn't beat, only for Marcelo ...  
Tarja looked at herself in the mirror.  
Try not to look so beautiful, she warned herself, but it wouldn't work.  
After she had tried on a new dress, she had decided not to wear a dress. She didn't want him to think that she still felt for him, even if she did.  
"Just give in to it, never think again, I feel for you", she mumbled and sighed.  
"Oh, do you care? I still feel for you ..." As if he had known that it would come the way it had.  
Now she wore a simple white shirt and light jeans, as if she only was about to meet a friend.  
Tarja felt guilty again, as she noticed that she thought of him as more than a friend.  
For once she wished she didn't look like she did, she had seen Tuomas' look in the shop. He had looked at her as if he had seen an angel.  
Tarja hated that thought, he wasn't supposed to look at her like that and she wasn't supposed to think of him like she did.  
But she had said it for herself, she had forgiven him.  
She tried to flat her hair, but it was a little messy. Tarja sighed and decided not to care. Maybe he wouldn't look at her like he had, when she showed up with messy hair.  
Tarja sat down on the edge of her bed and closed her eyes. Oh, how he had looked at her ... With so much adoration, hurt, begging, ...  
Love.  
No.  
Tarja shook her head. He didn't love her, he obviously never did. But still ...  
"You look beautiful, mommy!"  
Tarja turned around and smiled at her daugher, who now approached her mother and embraced her. "Thanks, honey. But to be honest I intended not to look beautiful."  
"You are always beautiful, mommy", Naomi said with a pout. "Even without make up."  
Tarja laughed and kissed her daughter. "Good night, sweetie. Behave well and do what your grandmother wants."  
"If I understand her", Naomi mumbled and Tarja sighed. Maybe her mother was right. Maybe she should start talking only Finnish with the girl.  
She kissed the child once again and stood up. "You will understand when she wants you to go to bed", Tarja said and Naomi let herself fall back on their bed.  
"Have fuuuuun", she sung and Tarja smiled sadly.  
She's precious, Tuomas had said.  
Precious. That was so Tuomas. Everyone called her beautiful, pretty, adorable, gorgeous. Tuomas was the first to call her precious.  
She looks like you.  
Had he really seen a resemblance? She didn't, but after that look that Tuomas had given her ...  
Tarja let the door open and wrapped herself in her jacket. "I won't be back late", Tarja said as she hugged her mother. "Namu should be in bed in an hour."  
"Okay", Marjatta said. "Have fun."  
"I'm about to meet Tuomas. I doubt this is going to be funny."  
"You used to be best friends", Marjatta said. "A few cups of beer and everything will be as it used to be."  
Tarja stared at the floor and her mother pulled her in a light embrace. "Hey ... Did you tell him you forgave him?"  
"I did ... But what if he has changed?", Tarja mumbled and her mother patted her back.  
"Just act the way you always do. Maybe he has changed, but there's only one way to find out."

Fifteen minutes later she got out of the bus, right in front of their bar.  
Tarja's heart was beating whenever she thought back to that bar. It was their bar, their Nightwish bar. Every weekend they used to have a gig there. And they had shared their first - and last - drunken kiss in this bar.  
Tarja leaned against the wall of the bar and thought back of that night ...  
It had been christmas time almost sixteen years ago and nothing worth to think of, after she had met Marcelo.  
*flashback* "Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!"  
The crowd wouldn't stop shouting, that was sure. Tarja and Tuomas had been fighting after a gig, they couldn't even remember why they had fought, now. Someone had crashed into Tarja and Tuomas had caught her - right beneath a mistletoe.  
Jukka had started to scream "Kiss!", and of course everyone had followed him.  
"Just kiss me", Tarja whispered, not caring about both their drunken states. And he had pressed his lips on hers and for a felt wonderful eternity, everything was where it belonged to be.  
*flashback end* "Hey, Tarja!"  
Tarja opened her eyes and smiled as Tuomas approached her. "Tuo", she said relieved and held her breath as he hugged her.  
"Hey", he said gently and held her tight. "I'm so happy you came ... I was afraid you've changed your mind."  
"Why should I?", Tarja asked and held him as tight as she could. Her heart was beating madly.  
They were here, about to go into their bar, they were alone ...  
"Johanna is already inside and asking for a good table for us three", Tuomas said and within one second Tarja's hope seemed shattered.  
He had brought his fiancée ...


	3. Chapter 3

Tarja smiled all evening long, even though she wanted to cry. It was their bar, the bar where they had shared their first (and last) kiss. And he brought his fiancée!  
But Tarja smiled.  
She smiled when Johanna hugged her as they met.  
She smiled when Johanna lead them to their table and Tarja noticed it was the table at which she and Tuomas used to sit.  
She smiled when Johanna called the waiter and ordered champagne for everyone.  
She smiled when Johanna said she'd pay tonight's drinks.  
And she smiled when Johanna lifted her glass and said they should clink their glasses for old and new friendships.  
But her smile faded when Tuomas leaned in after a sip of his glass, and pressed his lips on the readhead's cheek.  
Tarja wouldn't have been surprised if they had heard her heart breaking, because she was sure it had cracked pretty loudly.  
For a moment she forgot how to breathe, and excused herself.  
She fled to the toilet and took some time to relieve herself, she went out again.  
And almost bumped into Johanna.  
"Is everything alright?", the redhead asked carefully and to Tarja's surprise it sounded sincere.  
"I haven't seen Tuo for ten years", Tarja answered. "I'm only nervous." That was even half of the truth.  
Johanna sighed. "I know what you mean. When I started dating him, I was so nervous before every date -"  
"But I never dated him", Tarja interrupted her harshly. "I'm sorry", she quickly added. "I didn't want it to sound like that. Listen, a little more than ten years ago he gave me a letter and with it he fired me from the band. With this letter he ended our friendship. I am nervous."  
"I understand", Johanna mumbled. "And I know what he did. I tell him everyday that this is the most stupid thing he'd ever done!"  
Tarja looked at the younger woman puzzled. "What?"  
"He obviously regrets what he did", Johanna said with a shrug. "Everytime he sees or hears something of you he gets tears in his eyes. I remember the day when he found out that I'm a fan of you." Johanna chuckled. "He found What Lies Beneath and stared at it for two minutes. And then he said 'Kicking out Tarja was the best thing that could happen to her, but the worst that could happen to me.'"  
"And how did he mean that?", Tarja asked and now she had to smile sincerely. That woman was just cute.  
Her heart stung again.  
She's the right choice for Tuo.  
"Well, it destroyed him", Johanna said carefully. "But you started your solo career and got so successful. Which reminds me of something - may I have an autograph?" Johanna went red and Tarja laughed.  
"Let's do that back at the table", she said and Johanna jumped excitedly.  
"Oh yes, let's see how Tuomas reacts to that!", she giggled and Tarja had to laugh again.  
She hated the fact that she couldn't hate this woman.

"Now you finally have a Tarja-autograph", was Tuomas' reaction. There wasn't a single muscle moving in his face as he said that, he wore a perfect poker face.  
"I'm going to frame it and put it over our bed", Johanna informed him and Tarja tried to ignore the our bed.  
She stared at her champagne.  
How dare you to still love him, she scolded herself in her thoughts. You are married, he is about to marry, it's been ten years. Move on already.  
But Tarja knew she couldn't.  
Which meant she shouldn't see him anymore.  
Her heart stung and she swallowed.  
The pain will kill me, she thought. Gladly I'll return to Argentina tomorrow.  
As Tarja looked up, Tuomas and his beloved were busy with each other again, so she cleared her throat and they looked at her. "Well ... You asked me to come because you needed to talk to me", Tarja said and Tuomas put his hands off Johanna's, thank God.  
"I wanted to ask you how the last years were for you", Tuomas said and Tarja noticed the little blush on his cheeks, the same blush she had always found adorable.  
"Well, the first year was hard", she started a little harsh and as he lowered his eyes, she continued softer. "It got better, then. I gained a lot of new fans and soon I got to perform again. It started to be perfect, I could perform the way I wanted to and the songs I wanted to ... Sometimes I still got death threats where people told me they would kill me if I wouldn't come back to Nightwish ..." Tarja laughed and so did Tuomas.  
"Must have been the same people. We also got threats like 'Take Tarja back into Nightwish or my anger will haunt you.'"  
Tarja giggled. "You think they are over it now?"  
Tuomas shook his head. "They never will. And I also never will ... Tarja, what I wanted to tell you ..." He swallowed and avoided Tarja's eyes. "I am sorry", he breathed. "For what I did. I regret it, I regret it so much, it tore me apart ... It still does."  
Johanna patted his back. "You're doing great", Tarja could hear her whisper. "Go on."  
Tuomas lowered his gaze even more, he now almost looked down between the table and his stomach. "It's no secret that I was depressive after I've ... threw you out. I hated myself for doing this, I hated myself for kicking the best friend I ever had out of my life. I wanted to die for what I did to you."  
"Tuomas", Tarja breathed. The tears were streaming down her cheeks. "What are you saying ...?"  
"That I almost killed myself", Tuomas admitted. "Because I hated myself so much."  
"Tuo", Tarja whispered. "Why?"  
"Didn't you listen?", Tuomas asked and sighed. "I ... I knew what I did was wrong and I really regret kicking you out. I hated myself for hurting you, I - I saw this interview and it broke my heart!"  
Tuomas buried his face in his hands and Johanna wrapped an arm around him. "Shhh", she tried to calm him down but he shook his head.  
"But Tuomas", Tarja said gently. It tore her heart apart, seeing him cry because of her made her heart break. "I'm over it. Look at me and look at the career I've started."  
Tuomas didn't look up, he only mumbled something into his hands.  
"What?", Tarja asked and Johanna looked at her sadly.  
"He just said that your career should have been Nightwish. By his side", she answered. "He really missed you."  
"She was the best friend I ever had", Tuomas mumbled and now Tarja buried her face in her hands as well.  
Seeing Johanna caress his back made her want to throw up. And what he had said made her want to cry. He had almost killed himself??  
"I'll be back in a few minutes", a sudden soft voice was breathed into her ear and Tarja looked up and right into Johanna's young face. "Please talk to him", she whispered. "He is shattered, I see it everyday. He really regrets what he did -"  
"It's not about what he did, it's about how he -", Tarja began but Johanna interrupted her.  
"Tell him", she pleaded. "He needs to know. He deserves to know. I'll go outside for a cigarette."  
Tarja nodded and watched her walk away. She waited until Johanna had left the bar before she took her seat.  
She bit her lip and put her arms around him.  
First he had thought it was Johanna who hugged him, but then he smelled her.  
His Tarja.  
He didn't hesitate, he turned and embraced her back.  
"But Tuomas", he could hear her sweet voice at his ear and a cold shiver went down his spine. "Why didn't you tell me those things into my face? Why in a letter?"  
"Because, Tarja", Tuomas whispered back and held her tighter. "If I had tried to tell you all of this into your face, I would have said something stupid."  
"Stupid?", Tarja asked and pulled back lightly, scanning his face. His eyes were red and he looked completely done. "The whole letter was stupid, what could have been more stupid?"  
"I love you", Tuomas said and for a moment the world seemed to stand still.  
Tarja wasn't able to shut her mouth anymore and her heart started beating madly. He loved her?  
"I did", Tuomas quickly corrected and her heartbeat calmed down. "If I had told you these things into your face, I would have said that I loved you."  
Tarja shook her head slowly. "And that would've been stupid because you didn't", she said as if it was a fact, but Tuomas shook his head.  
"Are you kidding? Of course I did ..." He took her hand. "It would've been stupid because you didn't love me."  
Tuomas felt so relieved. Finally he could tell anyone, finally he could tell Tarja.  
"But ... Love?", Tarja whispered. She was stunned. Tuomas had loved her?  
Tuomas squeezed her hand gently.  
"I couldn't see you anymore. The pain was killing me. The ... the lovesickness." He smiled. "I got over it after some time but I still missed you."  
Tarja closed her eyes.  
Tuomas had loved her.  
And she had been so stupid.  
She held her breath as she felt his hand on her cheek. "I missed my best friend, missed the woman I fell in love with. The woman who knows everything about me. Every part about me ..."  
Tarja slowly opened her eyes and smiled at Tuomas. "But you're over it", she said, trying again to hide her pain behind a smile.  
"Yes", Tuomas said without hesitating. "I accepted that you never loved me like I loved you, and now I have Johanna."  
Tarja couldn't believe it. All those years. Could he have been in love with her for all those years and never said something?  
Sure, you did the same, Tarja reminded herself and lifted her hand up. She laid it down on his hand, entwined their fingers and pulled his hand away from her face. Their fingers still entwined, they only looked at each other. Until Tarja spoke.  
"I forgave you", she said fondly. "You should forgive yourself as well."  
"One day I will", he said. "You know, it wasn't easy. Kicking you out of my life."  
"I also never forgot you", Tarja admitted.  
"I didn't even try", Tuomas said. "And that was the reason why I was so depressive, I still watched our videos and read our text messages and looked at pictures of you ... and us."  
"Like a normal lovesick man does", Tarja mumbled.  
"Johanna doesn't know I loved you", Tuomas whispered. "Maybe you ... better don't tell her ..."  
"I won't", Tarja promised and secretly cursed Marcelo. She was sure that he had known about it.  
"Thank you", Tuomas whispered and looked at her. "Friends?"  
Tarja looked back at him.  
Could she make it so easy for him?   
No, it hadn't been easy for him at all. He had almost killed himself, he had suffered under lovesickness, he had literally watched the love of his life marrying someone else. And he hadn't stopped loving her.  
Tarja's mind was turning. She felt so stupid, he had really loved her! Now he was over it but whatever.  
"Friends", she agreed and as he had done some hours ago, Tuomas pulled her in a bone crashing hug.  
Tarja enjoyed the feeling of lying in her first love's arms and suddenly her hands were caressing his back.  
And his lips were close to her ear.  
"Don't go back to Argentina", Tuomas whispered and Tarja sighed.  
"Why not?", she asked and let go of him. "My husband lives there."  
"Don't go back to Argentina tomorrow", Tuomas tried again. "We haven't seen each other for such a long time, we need more time to talk. We need to spend time with each other. Siren, please ..."  
The pain almost killed Tarja, the pain as he called her Siren. It had been their secret joke, secretly she had been the siren and he had been the wolf.  
"So, Wolf", Tarja said and Tuomas smiled, happily that she remembered. "What did you intend me to do? If I'd stay, I mean."  
Tuomas weighed his head and then he asked with a pleading look, "Stay for my wedding?"


	4. Chapter 4

January 4th

"For his wedding", Marcelo repeated. "Tuomas' wedding."  
Tarja nodded, not trusting her voice. She rubbed her burning eyes, hoping that her husband couldn't see her swollen eyes.  
She had cried the whole night, and in the morning she had decided it.   
She couldn't leave.  
She had to do her best friend this favour.  
He needed her.  
And then she had called Marcelo via skype to tell him that desicion.  
"But baby - a whole month! Can't you come home and fly there again when it's time?"  
"I could but I feel so bad about everything", Tarja said, rubbing her eyes again. "I ... I need to spend time with him, Marcelo. He somehow is still my best friend, no matter what happened."  
Marcelo rubbed his chin. "I understand ..."  
"I'm glad you do", Tarja said tiredly. She was sick of his jealousy. He had always been that jealous, he had even asked her to spend less time with Tuomas as she still had been in the band.  
Marcelo leaned a little forward. "Is everything alright?"  
"Sure, why?", Tarja asked and leaned back on her seat.  
"Why did you cry?"  
Fuck, Tarja thought, but then she sighed. "Marcelo - I haven't seen him in ten years okay? My night was ... exhausting. I had to think a lot."  
"Did he hurt you?", Marcelo growled lowly.  
"What - no! Why would he hurt me??"  
As Marcelo avoided his wife's look, Tarja got angry.  
"Marcelo!", she barked. "Why do you think he would hurt me??"  
"I don't know, because he's angry at you?", Marcelo said through gritted teeth.  
It hurt Tarja, it hurt her that her husband hated Tuomas so much. And she hated the fact that she hadn't been strong enough to make her own opinion about it eleven years ago, when he had told her to stay away from him.  
Tarja shook her head. "You should stop thinking about him like that. He would never hurt me in any way, and after all we're adults, Marcelo. I'm thirty-eight! We talk with each other instead of hurting each other like children!"  
"I know", the Argentinian tried to calm his wife down. "But you know what I think of him."  
Tarja pressed her lips together. For ten years they had avoided the topic Nightwish and Tuomas, so Tarja had honestly no idea what her husband thought of her former best friend. "No", she said almost coldly. "Tell me."  
"He is ..." Marcelo looked for words. "He wanted to take you away from me!", he then blurted out and Tarja closed her eyes.  
She had been so blind ... She had been so naïve ...  
She suddenly remembered a line of a song, she had always listened to secretly.  
Today, in the year of our Lord, 2005, Tuomas was called from the cares of the world. He stopped crying at the end of each beautiful day. The music he wrote had too long been without silence. He was found naked and dead, with a smile in his face, a pen and 1000 pages of erased text ...  
Tarja had never told her husband how much she loved that song, how much it made her cry. Because, obviously, with this song Tuomas had proven, had admitted his love for her.  
But she had never thought of it until now. And Marcelo had known about how Tuomas' had felt, of that she was sure.  
"Tarja ...", Marcelo pleaded, but Tarja shook her head.  
"Honey ... I need ... I need a little time ... for myself. And Namu." Tarja massaged her temples. "I'll return the day after his wedding, alright? I'll book a flight right away."  
Marcelo sighed. "Okay. Then I'll cancel your concert in Tallinn."  
"No, just delay it to next month, or my fans will kill me", Tarja sighed. "Thanks, baby."  
"No problem, Love", Marcelo answered happily, relieved that his wife had calmed down. "I love you."  
"Love you too", Tarja mumbled and Marcelo tried to ignore the fact that she mumbled it.  
And then they ended their chat and Tarja stood up, walking downstairs. She smiled as she crossed the living room and thought back to the time they had watched Beauty and the beast there, together with her mother and Toni.  
"No, Naomi", Tarja heard her mother sigh. "Just say it, minun nimeni on Naomi. That's not hard, now is it?"  
Naomi answered in a wave of Spanish toddler-language, that not even Tarja understood.  
Five days back in Finland and I can't understand my own daughter anymore, the black haired woman thought and closed her eyes. What's up with me? Am I about to change? Maybe I'm about to come into my changes ... Wow, so early? Must be the stress ...  
Her thoughts got interrupted when her mother called her. "Can you help me cooking for lunch?"  
Tarja nodded and joined her mother in the kitchen.  
"I gave up hope in teaching your daughter Finnish", Marjatta said and Tarja smiled lightly, while washing the salad.   
"Don't give up. You're right ... I'll also talk to her in Finnish from now on."  
"Really? Why the sudden change of mood? It already surprised me that you want to stay for Tuomas' wedding, and now this?"  
Tarja bit her lip. "When did you come into your changes?", she asked and Marjatta laughed.  
"Sweetheart, you're not in your changes yet. You're way too young. You still could get another child."  
"Oh hell, no", Tarja said quickly. "But I feel so different lately ... I have enough from Marcelo, somehow."  
Marjatta stopped cutting the vegetables and looked at her daughter.  
"Don't you love him anymore?"  
"He thinks so", Tarja sighed. "But I'm sure that I still love him. Just ... not as much as in the beginning."  
"I know that", Marjatta sighed. "As Teuvo and I made a break from each other, it was only good for both of us. And after we got together again, we were in love as in the beginning."  
"And then you got divorced", Tarja said coldly and threw the salad in the sink, wiping her eyes. "I ... I don't want to get divorced from him, I love him! But ... but it's too much ... He's around me all day, protects me, thinks he is my personal manager as well", she sobbed and Naomi came into the kitchen, hugging her leg.  
"Don't cry", she said and patted Tarja's knee.   
"Naomi, give your mother some comfort", Marjatta said and Naomi stared at her grandmother with wide eyes, while Tarja translated.  
Naomi nodded and held up her hands and Tarja lifted her daughter up.  
"I think I'll take her to Helsinki next week", Tarja told her mother, while the girl pressed one kiss after the other at her mother's cheek.  
"What do you want to do? Go shopping?"  
Tarja nodded and put her daughter down again. "I want her to see as much as possible from Finland ... For the case we won't return."  
Now Marjatta looked at her completely shocked. "WHAT?"  
Tarja looked down. She couldn't tell her mother about her feelings ... Her feelings for Tuomas. And her desicion to never come back because of Tuomas. Tuomas and his wife.  
"Does that mean you won't even visit me anymore?? And your father?? And brothers?? What if they want you back in the jury of The Voice? Tarja Soile! Answer!"  
"Then I'll say no", Tarja said. "And you can visit me anytime, same as father, Toni and Timo."  
Marjatta shook her head. "Okay, now I think you're really in your changes." They continued cooking silently, but after a while a sudden bang startled Tarja.  
Marjatta had hit the kitchen counter with her flat hand and now was looking at her daughter intensely.  
"Are you crazy?", Tarja asked.  
"It's because of his wedding!", Marjatta said loudly.  
"What?"  
"Tuomas' and Johanna's wedding!", the older woman went on and before Tarja could say something, Marjatta had continued. "You feel hurt. You don't want him to marry! You feel like Tuomas did when you married Marcelo!"  
Tarja's mouth stood open. "Did you just say how Tuomas felt?", she whispered and Marjatta laughed dryly.  
"The poor guy came to me after the day of your wedding to cry his eyes out."  
"He ...?" Tarja swallowed.  
"You know it, or don't you?"  
"I know he was in love with me", Tarja said carefully and Marjatta laughed.  
"In love? No, Tarja. He loved you deeply. Madly. Hopelessly. He obsessed you. He built his life around you. The poor guy did everything for you, even if you only treated him like a brother or a good friend. You were the only thing he could see, for him you were the light at the end of a long, dark tunnel.  
He told me that he dreamt about you every night, and after you married, he cried every night until he fell asleep. He had thought of suicide more than once, only because you didn't love him. I told you, he was obsessed with you."  
Tarja had tears in her eyes. "Yesterday he told me, he has thought of killing himself", she whispered. "But he said it was because he had kicked me out ..."  
"That too", Marjatta sighed. "But this wasn't the only reason. He loved you even five years after he kicked you out. Can you imagine how hard it was for him to start a relationship with Johanna?"  
"And ... Does he still talk to you?", Tarja whispered and her mother nodded.  
"His life makes sense again", she said sadly, as she noticed Tarja's hurt look. "He is happy now."  
Tarja leaned against the kitchen counter, tears streaming down her face.  
"Tarja", Marjatta said and embraced her daughter.  
"I ... still feel for him", Tarja sobbed into her mother's shoulder. "I feel hurt that he'll marry Johanna and I hate myself for it. I ... I want to hate Johanna but I can't, 'cause she is nice. And ... I know that Tuomas deserves her."  
Marjatta patted her crying daughter's back.   
"I ... I hate myself for still needing him by my side, hate myself that I don't want him to marry."  
"You love him", Marjatta whispered.  
"And I hate myself for it", Tarja sobbed and Marjatta closed her eyes. What a mess.  
"Don't hate yourself for what you feel", she tried to calm her daughter down.  
"I'm not supposed to love him", Tarja sobbed. "I have a family and I bet soon he will have one as well. Oh god, the thought of him being a father kills me ..."  
"Now you're selfish", Marjatta scolded. "Why do you have a right to marry and he doesn't??"  
"I wouldn't have married Marcelo if I knew that Tuomas had felt like I do now", Tarja admitted. "My heart is shattered. I didn't think it could break more times, but it has done it several times since yesterday."  
"Oh, honey", Marjatta sighed and held her daughter tight. "Then why did you agree on going to their wedding?"  
"I don't know ...", Tarja whispered and thought, Maybe because I hope that he changes his mind ...'

Meanwhile, Tuomas and Johanna were writing an invitation for Tarja. They had sent out their invitations a month ago, but they both had decided to invite Tarja with an official letter.  
Tuomas had just closed the card, as his fiancée grabbed his arm. "Oh my God ... Do you think she would sing for us??"  
"To be honest, I don't think so", Tuomas answered.  
"Ask her", Johanna pleaded. "Since I've seen her performance of Nothing Else Matters, I dream of Tarja Turunen singing on my wedding."  
"Johanna", Tuomas sighed. "I don't want to ask too much of her. You should have seen her look when I invited her ... I think she was pretty hurt."  
"I bet she was hurt because you didn't ask her to come earlier", Johanna answered. "She was your best friend, she can't say no!"  
Tuomas sighed. "I'll ask her personally, okay?"  
Johanna beamed and kissed her fiancé's cheek. "Love you", she said and left the living room.  
"Love you too", Tuomas called after her and slowly opened the card again, looking at the computer-written sentences.  
"To Mrs. Tarja Turunen-Cabuli and Miss Naomi Turunen-Cabuli  
No light shines brighter than the light of love. And once two lights have found each other, there's no way back.  
We have found each other and now we decided to share our luck with everyone. We're going to say "I do" on February 1st and we want you to be there as well and celebrate with us.  
We hope you're going to come!  
Sincerely,  
Tuomas & Johanna"  
When Tuomas closed his eyes, he could still see her hurt and sad look as he had asked her to come. He didn't want to hurt her. She was his best friend. And she had been his first love.  
Within a second, he had grabbed a pen and put it on the paper beneath their signatures.  
'Tarja', he wrote. 'Your light still shines the brightest for me. It always will. Please never forget that. -T'  
And he closed the card and put it in an envelope quickly, before Johanna could come back and see it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hey my dear readers! After a week of hearing nothing from me (I was on vacation), I'm finally back to continue! Thank you VERY much for these wonderful comments! Keep commenting, please, they make my mood to write on ;)  
> A quick update in what I plan for this story:  
> It will have something between 8 and 10 parts, I'm not sure yet. But I already decided to write a continuation after I'm done with my other story, Romanticide.  
> Why a second part? Well, if you knew how this story will end, you'd understand.  
> Haha! I won't tell! Have fun :)

January 14th

Tarja hadn't heard from Tuomas since he had brought the wedding invitation.  
*flashback*  
"Hi", he said and Tarja heard the nervousness in his voice. Her hands started shaking immediately.  
"Hi", she breathed. "Want to come in?"  
Tuomas nodded and entered. He could hear Marjatta and Naomi talk (or try to talk) in the living room.  
"How are you?", he asked shyly and looked around the hall to avoid Tarja's eyes. But Tarja didn't want to act like this, with a longing strengh she pulled him down and hugged him.  
"I missed you", she mumbled. "I'm glad to finally talk to you alone ..."  
But Tuomas pushed her back. "I'm sorry", he said and Tarja saw in his eyes that he meant it. "Johanna is waiting in the car, I only wanted to drop this off ..."  
Tarja clenched her fists. Johanna. Was he helpless without her or why was she always around him??  
She looked at the letter, which shook lightly in Tuomas hands. Tarja's heart sunk. A letter? Her breathing got faster.  
"Tuo ..?"  
"Just take it", Tuomas pleaded and gave the letter to her. Tarja swallowed and took it. As their hands touched, a flash went through her body, but she couldn't pull away.  
Tuomas had taken her hand.  
"Don't be afraid", he whispered and squeezed her hand, before he bent down and kissed her forehead.  
Tarja closed her eyes and waited for more, but Tuomas had already pulled away again.  
"Call me", he said and let go of her hand.  
Then he left the house and Tarja stared after him.  
Then she quickly opened the letter and her heart slowly broke. Again.  
It was an invitation to their wedding.  
She had tears in her eyes and already wanted to tear it apart, when her look fell on the last lines.  
Tarja. Your light still shines the brightest for me. It always will. Please never forget that. -T  
*end of flashback*  
Tuomas had kissed her forehead.  
And she had longed for more. She felt so ashamed and she was so happy that her mother hadn't seen this.  
And the last lines ... Her heart was beating madly and she cracked her knuckles. Two days ago Johanna had called her. She asked if Tarja and Naomi would come to the wedding and Tarja had told her that they would. After that, Johanna had invited her over for coffee and cake.  
Tarja cursed herself while she rang the bell. Why had she agreed? On both, coming to the wedding and coming over to her first love's and his fiancée's house?  
The redhead opened and immediately pulled her in a hug, which didn't feel insincere. Johanna just was a really nice woman.  
"Hey, Tarja!", she said happily and pulled Tarja into their beautiful house.  
"Thanks for inviting me over", Tarja said with a smile. "You have a beautiful house!"  
"Thank you", Johanna answered and led Tarja to the living room. "Tuomas isn't home yet, but I thought that's okay. I needed to talk to you anyway."  
Tarja swallowed. No Tuomas. Her and Johanna were alone.  
"Okay", Tarja said hesitating. "Where is he?"  
Johanna shrugged. "It probably has to do with the wedding. He's even more excited than me!"  
Tarja smiled weakly, trying not to show a sign of pain. Stop this, she told herself. Tuomas deserves happiness.  
"Well, please sit down", Johanna suddenly said and pointed at the couch. "Do you want some coffee? Cake?"  
"Oh, thank you. Can I have my coffee black?", Tarja asked and Johanna nodded, leaving to the kitchen.  
Tarja looked a little around and had to admit, that it was a nice house. Maybe not a house for raising children. There was a beautiful piano in the corner and Tarja's heart stung when she noticed, that it wasn't Tuomas' old piano. Had he bought a new one? All these memories he had crossed out of his mind ...  
Tarja looked for pictures, no specific, maybe some pictures from Tuomas and Johanna. She couldn't find a single one.  
All in all it didn't seem as if more than one person would live here.  
Johanna came back and placed two pieces of chocolate cake and two cups of coffe on the coffee table, then she sat down next to Tarja.  
Tarja avoided the redhead's blue eyes, somehow she was afraid that this had only been a trap ... That Johanna wanted to tell her to stay away from Tuomas, like Marcelo had done eleven years ago ...  
"Well, I'll just ask you straight, because I know that Tuomas hasn't asked you yet", Johanna started and Tarja slowly looked at the younger woman.  
Ask?  
"Uhm ... Okay?", Tarja mumbled and watched Johanna take a breath.  
"Do you want to sing? At - at the wedding."  
Tarja stared at the red haired woman. What?  
"It would mean so much", Johanna said and she sounded pleading.  
"Johanna ...", Tarja spoke her name carefully. "I don't think that's a good idea."  
Tarja could literally watch Johanna's face fall. "Why not?"  
"Well ... I don't want to make a scene." Tarja sighed. "Look ... Everyone will go crazy if it comes out that I'm a guest at Tuomas' wedding. If I start singing ... No, that's no good idea."  
Johanna sighed. "Pity. It has always been my dream to have you as singer at my wedding."  
"You'll find another wonderful singer", Tarja promised. "If you want, I can help you with looking for one!"  
The younger woman smiled at the older. "You'd do that?" Tarja nodded and Johanna smiled. "This is so nice of you! Wow. Thank you, Tarja!"  
Tarja's heart clenched as she noticed that she liked this woman. If her and Johanna would become friends, she would have to see them more often, her and Tuomas. Holding hands. Kissing. Being in love ...  
Tarja's smile froze and she turned away. "You're welcome", Tarja answered coldly. Don't become friends with the enemy, she thought to herself. It hurt, thinking of Johanna as 'the enemy'. She was more of a friend ... Tarja was sure she was really a good person. Tuomas wouldn't marry a bitch. He wouldn't marry a false person.  
Wouldn't marry a diva ...  
Tarja stood up. "Uh - where's the toilet?", she asked stiffly.  
"Next to the kitchen, opposite of -", Johanna began, but Tarja was already on her feet and rushing out of the living room.  
In the toilet she sunk down on the toilet seat and first tried to breathe slowly.  
I don't want this marriage, she thought desperately. But I know I can't do anything against it ... That wouldn't be fair ... And why does Johanna want me to sing at the wedding? Why did Tuomas write something like he wrote beneath the signatures on the invitation?  
Tarja's head was turning and she decided what to do.  
You'll act nice towards Johanna, she thought. She's nice and she loves Tuomas. You'll also act nice towards Tuo, okay? And you'll go to that goddamn wedding and you'll pretend as you were okay with that. And then you'll grab your daughter and fly back to your husband. Should Tuomas or Johanna ever call you, you'll act nice. And if they invite you over, say no.  
Yes. That's what I'm going to do. It's time to get over it.  
Tarja's heart stung, but she decided to get over her first love.  
She thanked God that she hadn't started to cry, otherwise she'd have to wait until her eyes weren't red anymore. She flushed, even though she hadn't been on the toilet, and then washed her hands.  
From now on she would ask everything directly. She wouldn't avoid the topic Tuomas' marriage, no matter how much it hurt.  
She faked a smile and entered the living room again.  
"Are you okay?", Johanna immediately asked.  
"For a second I thought I've got my period", Tarja lied and laughed. "But everything's alright."  
Johanna grimaced. "Oh, I know that."  
"So", Tarja said and sat down again. "Since when do you and Tuo live here?"  
"I live here for seven years now", Johanna answered. "Tuo doesn't live here at all, only when he's in Finland and doesn't want to sleep in his apartment."  
"So you don't live together?", Tarja asked surprised.  
"Yet", Johanna answered. "We already have a big house in mind, in case we'll get children."  
Tarja ignored the sting. "Have you already talked about children?"  
"Oh, yes. We both want at least three." Johanna laughed and Tarja grabbed her arm, cutting her nails deep into her flesh, to distract herself. Tuomas wants to be the father of her children.  
"Good choice", Tarja brought out. "Naomi makes me so happy! She's the light of my life."  
Your light still shines the brightest for me. It always will. Please never forget that.  
"She is so cute", Johanna said and then she started eating the cake. "I can't wait to be a mother ... And then Tuomas as father ... Maybe we will get a red haired girl, then it would be like in Imaginaerum. Have you seen that?"  
"Of course", Tarja said softly. She had cried for hours.  
"Maybe I'll even call her Gem", Johanna went on. "Tuomas will have no chance to decide the names."  
Tarja didn't answer, slowly she drank her coffee.  
In her mind she saw two children, twins. The girl had reddish blonde hair and was stunning and the boy had the same blonde and curly hair and face as Tuomas, when he was a child. Tarja forced herself to smile again.  
"And when did he ask you to marry him?", she brought out, clenching her cup.  
"Oh, I will never forget this date", Johanna sighed. "It was the seventeenth of August, and -"  
Tarja, who had taken another sip of her coffee, suddenly had to gasp, which caused her to cough.  
She put the coffee on the table and coughed. August seventeenth??  
"Is everything alright?", Johanna asked worried and Tarja nodded, her eyes red.   
"I didn't expect that he asked you - uhm - such a short time ago. Marcelo and I were engaged for more than a year!"  
Johanna shrugged. "He organised everything." She laughed. "Maybe he wanted to do it quick, so I wouldn't change my mind!" As Johanna noticed Tarja's grimace, she quickly added, "I would never change my mind. He is the one for me."  
Tarja smiled sadly. She despised herself so much for trying to hate this woman. Trying to think of a way to stop that wedding, even though she had decided not to.  
Well, you thought of Marcelo as the one, why can't Tuomas have his own the one as well?, she asked herself.  
The answer was clear.  
I want him to think of me as the one.  
Tarja shivered.  
"Are you cold?", Johanna asked, and again her voice sounded so worried and sincere. Wow, she'd be a great mother.  
"How did he ask you?", Tarja blurted out and Johanna smiled.  
"Oh, it was beautiful. We were on vacation to that time and we walked along the sea shore, holding hands ..."  
An arrow was shot right through Tarja's chest, but she still smiled.  
"We walked a little in the water, and when we were completely alone, he suddenly fell on his knees. I first thought he had fallen, but then he took this box out of the pocket of his pants ..."  
Tarja looked away, knowing she wouldn't survive what would come now.  
"I will never forget his words.", Johanna sighed. "He said, Johanna, you're the love of my life and I know you will always be. I can't longer live without knowing you're not to hundred percent mine, so please marry me and stay with me forever. So ... Will you be my wife?"  
For a moment Tarja said nothing.  
That was all?  
"That's it?", she asked, almost too challenging.  
"Yes ... Why?", Johanna asked confused and Tarja quickly took another sip of the coffee.  
That couldn't be ... That was wrong. The Tuomas she knew would never say such a common line. Her Tuomas would write a song, a song with all his love. He would tell her the love lines and in the end he would fall on his knees and start all over again, telling her how she had changed his life and then he would ask her to stay with him forever.  
All in all, it wouldn't be over so soon. And it would be a lot more romantic, yes, a sea shore was romantic. But Tuomas would bring her to a secret place, in a cave or something, where he had prepared candles before.  
Tarja swallowed, as she noticed that she had thought of Tuomas asking herself to marry him.  
"I'm on the toilet", Tarja said. "I think this time it's an emergency."  
She ignored the words that Johanna threw after her and quickly locked hereself in the room again.  
This is not right. Something is going on here. What the hell is wrong with Tuomas?


	6. Chapter 6

Tarja wasn't gone for a long time, but when she left the toilet again, she immediately heard that Tuomas was back.  
He sounded quite pissed, as he talked to Johanna.  
"You see, one time you ask for something, only one time, and they totally fuck it up!"  
"Oh, honey", Johanna sighed. "I'm sure they will make this out ... And if not, it's only a wedding-eve-party."  
"It's not only that", Tuomas sighed. "Everyone will be there ... It has to be perfect."  
"The wedding has to be perfect", Johanna said sternly. "The wedding-eve-party doesn't have to be perfect."  
Tuomas just wanted to say something, when someone slowly entered the living room. His eyes went wide as they met the soft green of Tarja's. Heaven, she got more beautiful with every day.  
He had never really noticed her cheekbones, and the contrast of them to her perfectly formed lips ... She looked so beautiful, it was almost too incredible to believe that she was real.  
Tuomas cursed himself, why didn't he think of his fiancée like that?  
The answer was simple, he still loved Tarja. She was his first love, so why would he ever come over her? Old loves they die hard ...  
"Hi", Tarja said softly. "Johanna asked me over for some coffee."  
Tuomas' gaze fell on the coffee table. Tarja still hadn't touched her cake and she drank her coffee black. She hadn't changed a bit. His eyes wandered to Johanna, who's eyes darted between him and the other Finn, and then he looked back at Tarja, who seemed to be ... shattered? Sad? Depressed?  
Why?  
Marcelo?  
Tuomas' fists clenched. Yes, it had to be him. Why else had Tarja agreed on staying here so easily?  
"I should drive home", Tarja suddenly said and smiled at Johanna weakly. "Thank you for the invitation."  
"No problem, but don't you want to take the cake with you?", Johanna asked. "If you don't want it, give it to Naomi!" Now she smiled widely. "Tell her it's from me."  
Tarja nodded and Johanna took the plate, carrying it to the kitchen.  
"I'll wrap it!", she shouted and Tarja threw a quick "Thank you" after her.  
Then the two black-haired Finns were alone.  
Their eyes met and a small blush crept over Tuomas' cheeks.  
How could he ever think that he had stopped loving her? That he had gotten over her? He probably never would.  
The awkwardness was almost too much for Tarja. Tuomas' blush was so endearing, she almost took a step forward to embrace him.   
He looked so good. Sure, he looked a lot different than years ago and the beard made him seem a little older ... His blue eyes seemed to be grey in the neon light and she could spot a few crinkles around them.  
What was up with him? Was he ill? Was he worried?  
Tuomas cleared his throat. "Didn't you want to talk to me alone?", he asked and Tarja nodded.  
"Alone", she repeated and thought of a nosy Johanna in the kitchen. "Can we meet somewhere?"   
"Alone?" Tuomas smiled and Tarja nodded.  
"Please", she mumbled and Tuomas also nodded.  
"Sure ... What about Saturday?"  
"Okay", Tarja quickly answered and after a sigh she took out her mobile phone. "Tell me your number and I'll give you a call at home so you'll have mine as well."  
Tuomas' heart was beating crazily as he told Tarja his number, right as Johanna came back with the wrapped cake.  
"I put in a little more, I always make too much. And maybe your mother also wants a slice", Johanna said happily and caught Tarja as she quickly put her phone away. "Was that the new iPhone?"  
"Yes", Tarja said. "Nothing too special."  
"I tell Tuomas to get the same for me and him like everyday", Johanna said with a mocking tone and Tarja took the wrapped slices of the cake from her.  
"It's really nothing special", she said again. "I'll go now ... Thanks for the invitation again, Tuo."  
Tuomas only nodded at her and with a last polite smile at Johanna, who held the door open for her, she left the house and Johanna closed it.  
"You finally changed your numbers", Johanna said, and in the first moment it sounded not really happy.  
Tuomas wanted to start apologising, but Johanna surprised him anew as she started laughing. "Oh, wow, I already thought you'd never be friends again. Makes me happy to see that."  
Tuomas smiled. He knew he should be proud of his fiancée now, he knew he should love her even more, now that she had showed her unselfishness and her good side once again ... But he couldn't stop thinking of Tarja. Of her sad, green eyes. Of her light frown. Of her slightly pale face ...  
He knew he should stop looking forward to meet her alone.  
But he couldn't.  
Therefore he looked too much forward to see her alone.

\---

January 16th

Tarja called Tuomas three days after, that Saturday they wanted to meet. She had waited on purpose, in case she'd seem desperate if she called him immediately.  
"Holopainen?", Tuomas answered and Tarja smiled as she noticed the nervousness in his voice.  
"It's me, Tuo", Tarja said. "This is my number. Please don't give it to crazy fans or something." She laughed shortly, but she meant it.  
"I won't", Tuomas promised, and, after some hesitation he breathed, "Tarja ..."  
Tarja couldn't hold the feelings back that went through her chest when he said her name with so much care.  
Warmth. Adoration. Hurt. Loss. Love.  
She closed her eyes.  
"Uhm ... Can we - is it still okay for you to meet today?"  
"Sure", Tuomas said with shaking hands. "Shall I come to Kitee?"  
"I think this would be better", Tarja said. "In case that someone sees us ..."  
"Great, then I'll pick you up at three, if that's okay. I'll start driving now."  
Tarja's heart jumped. He would start driving right now? Wow, he didn't seek to meet her privately, or did he?  
"Uhm - okay", she said nervously. "See you."  
"See you later, Siren", Tuomas said and hung up before Tarja could add something.  
When the line went dead, Tarja only stood there, her mouth hanging open.  
He has called me that again ...

He couldn't help but drive as fast as he could, so it wasn't even three o'clock when he arrived. He stood in front of her door and thought about if he should already ring or not.  
But he didn't have to think long, an older woman opened the door while he was still deeply in thoughts.  
"Tuomas!", she screamed and pulled him in a hug.  
"Hello, Marjatta", Tuomas said with a happy smile. "I'm sorry I haven't visited you in years."  
"Come on, you have a private life", Marjatta said and pulled Tuomas inside. "Tarja is upstairs. I doubt she's already done."  
"It's okay, I'm too early", Tuomas said shyly, desperately trying to avoid Marjatta's knowing look. That woman looked through him like nobody ... And she did it again.  
"Oh, poor boy", she sighed. "It would have been better if you hadn't met her two weeks ago, hm?"  
Tuomas looked at woman and nodded shortly. "It brought back ... old feelings", he whispered and Marjatta sighed.  
What a mess.  
Tarja was married but she still loved Tuomas.  
Tuomas was engaged but he still loved Tarja.  
Marjatta didn't answer, and Tuomas stared at the floor. Shit. What should he do?  
He already wanted to open his mouth and ask Tarja's mother, as no one else than Tarja herself called from upstairs.  
"Mother? Can I wear this or is it too -" Tarja went quiet as she saw the black haired man standing in the hall and staring at her. "Tuo", she whispered. "You're already here?"  
"I was faster than I thought I'd be", he said with a raw voice and let his gaze wander up and down Tarja's outfit.  
She wore black leggins and a wide black shirt with a broad belt around her hips. Her hair fell loosely on her shoulders.  
She looked breathtaking.  
"Yes, you can wear that", he whispered and Tarja blushed. She took the last stairs down and grabbed a leather purse before she put on black leather boots.  
"It doesn't even matter what I wear", Tarja said as she put on her red winter coat. "No one sees it anyway."  
"True, you could be naked beneath that", Tuomas said with a short laugh, but Tarja couldn't laugh.  
"But I'm not", she said sternly.  
Marjatta stood a few metres away and shook her head lightly. These children ...

Tuomas looked at Tarja while they walked in silence. She still looked breathtaking with the grey bonnet and her pink cheeks. Why had he ever let her go?  
"I have to pick up Naomi after we're done", Tarja said and Tuomas looked away. Had she caught him staring?  
"Sure. Where is she?"  
"She's with my brothers", Tarja sighed. "Luckily Timo's wife speaks Spanish."  
"Did you think of teaching her Finnish?", Tuomas asked and Tarja shot a quick and angry look at him.  
"It's not easy for me, okay??", she shouted. "I have her with me all the time and I can't simply talk Finnish to her in Buenos Aires!"  
"I'm - I'm sorry -", Tuomas said shocked. There she was, the woman he had thrown out of the band.  
"It's just so typical of you to think -", Tarja started, but Tuomas interrupted her.  
"Shut up!", he barked. "I didn't mean it like that!"  
Tarja stared at him shocked and Tuomas regretted his outburst immediately, when he noticed the tears in her eyes.  
Not once in all those years he had screamed at her nor told her to shut up.  
"Tarja -", he began, but Tarja stepped back.  
"Who ARE you?", she whispered.  
"Who are YOU?!", Tuomas asked back and felt really ashamed as he caught a tear running down her cheek.  
"This is wrong", she whispered. "What was different when we met in the bar?"  
Tuomas looked at the woman he once loved with his whole heart. And he took a step forward, pulling her in an embrace.  
"This, maybe?", he asked and hugged her tight.  
Tarja also wrapped her arms around him. "Maybe", she mumbled and closed her eyes. And the tears started to fall.  
Soon she was shaken by light sobs and Tuomas weighed her gently, mumbling "Shhhh" over and over again.  
"Why - why did you do that?", Tarja sobbed against the man's shoulder and the pain that Tuomas felt, felt like knives in his heart.  
"I regret it", he whispered. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have screamed at you ..."  
"No ...", Tarja sobbed and looked at him. Tuomas held his breath, also with red, puffy eyes and tears streaming down her face she looked breathtaking. Beautiful. Like an angel ...  
"Why did you write that?", she tried again.  
"The letter? I thought we're done with this, Tarja."  
"Okay, first", Tarja said. "We'll be never done with this topic. I forgave you, alright? But I will never forget. And second ... I didn't mean that."  
"What else did you mean?", Tuomas asked. Of course he knew, but he wanted her to say it.  
"Don't make me say it!", Tarja pleaded and turned around to walk on, Tuomas following her.  
They walked to the next park in silence, and when they sat down, Tuomas took her hand. It was cold, so he started rubbing it between his hands.  
Tarja looked away.  
"Your light still shines the brightest for me", he suddenly mumbled. "It always will, please never forget that."  
"Why did you write that?", Tarja asked, still not looking at him.  
"Because it's true", Tuomas said. "I told you I was in love with you, I even told you that you were my first love. What more do you want to hear?"  
Tarja took a deep breath as her look wandered to their entwined hands.  
And finally she dared to look at him.  
Outside his eyes had this skyblue colour she loved more than anything, the same colour she had fallen in love with so many years ago.  
"Do you still love me?", she whispered.


	7. Chapter 7

Do you still love me?  
Tuomas' heart sunk into his stomach. What should he do now?  
Lie?  
Tell her the truth?  
"Tarja -", he began helplessly, wanting to say at least something.  
"That's my name", Tarja interrupted him. "But please answer me. You loved me ten years ago, my question now is: Do you still love me?"  
"You are married", Tuomas tried. "And I'm engaged."  
"That's no answer to my question", Tarja said sternly.  
"I'm going to marry", Tuomas said a little louder. "So, yes, it is an answer to your question."  
"So you're over me", Tarja said and tried not to burst into tears.  
Suck it up! Why would he still love you? He has Johanna. And you have Marcelo, so why do you even love him??  
Tuomas thought about his next words carefully, then he said: "It doesn't matter what I feel. I'm going to marry Johanna."  
Tarja nodded slowly, biting back her tears. What did he feel now? What had his sentence meant, that he still loved her?  
They only sat on the bench in silence, avoiding each other's looks. Tarja fixed her eyes on a snow covered tree and spotted a squirrel who hid between the branches, Tuomas stared into the other direction, observing the street and the people who passed the park. A small tear ran over his cheek when he saw a young mother and father, their child in the middle. Both of the adults held the little boy at one hand and pulled him up, letting him fly a little in the air, and put him down again.  
The boy screamed happily and laughed, whenever his parents pulled him up.  
Tuomas' heart ached. The last years had went by and he had given up hope to become a father, until he had met Johanna. Now he would marry her, but it didn't feel right.  
He loved Johanna, but now that Tarja was with him, it seemed to be nothing compared to the feelings he had for the black-haired.  
He loved her, craved her, needed her, longed for her. He had always longed for her, but he had never longed for Johanna that way.  
When he was with the redhead, it was wonderful. He liked looking at her, he liked touching her, she was amazing. He loved her. She was something special, and he appreciated that.  
But when he was with Tarja ... When he was with the dark haired, he could barely breathe, he just stopped breathing when he looked at her. His heart was beating so fast, he feard it would jump out of his chest. Her voice made his stomach clench in a desperate try to fight the urge of grabbing and kissing her.  
He wanted to marry Johanna - but with Tarja he wanted to do so much more.  
He knew he couldn't, but she had to know that he still felt for her.  
"Tarja", he started, but as Tarja turned her head to look at him, a sudden shrill tune interrupted them and Tarja pulled a mobile phone out of her jacket.  
"You have connection here?", he asked and Tarja threw a look at him.  
"That's my mother's phone, you know that I have an iPhone", she said coldly and answered. "Timo?"  
"Tarja", Timo said and he sounded bad. "Something happened." Tarja jumped up.  
"What happened?", she asked loudly. "You better tell me now, Timo Turunen!"  
"Naomi", Timo said and he sounded as if he was crying. "She fell from Lilian's bed ... She's at the hospital."

Tuomas watched Tarja fall back on the bench, her eyes ripped open in shock. "She's -", she whispered and Tuomas already wanted to ask what was wrong, when Tarja said icily "I'll come. And you better hide from me, Mister."  
She hung up and didn't even look at Tuomas. "I have to leave", she said and already dialled another number.  
"Taxi? How much is it from the Kitee-music school to the hospital? Okay. Yes. One person. Thank you."  
"Hospital?", Tuomas asked shocked. "Who is at the hospital?"  
"Naomi", Tarja said and suddenly her voice didn't sound icy and stern anymore. It sounded depressed. "She fell from a bunk bed." Tarja hid her face behind her hands and shook her head. "Timo says she's okay but still ... What should I do?"  
Tuomas suddenly realised that the time had come, the time where he could show Tarja, how much she still meant to him. He looked at the helpless woman and without a word he pulled her up. He first pressed her tightly against his body, hugging her, as if it could save their lives. Then he entwined his arm with hers and pulled her out of the park, to the music school vis-à-vis.  
Tarja eyed her old school and remembered how much she had loved the times there, especially when Tuomas had been around.  
He had always looked at her and everytime Tarja had smiled at him, he had gone red.  
"Remembering the old times?", Tuomas asked softly and hugged her tighter.  
"Yes, but I shouldn't", Tarja whispered. "After all, my daughter is in hospital ..." She sobbed again.  
Tuomas bit his lip. My daughter. Oh, how much he wanted to ask her about her pregnancy, about the birth. How much he wished, to turn back the time and be a part of it, helping her with going through the pregnancy ... How much he wished to be the father of her daughter.  
They sat there and waited for the taxi, which arrived five minutes later.  
"Single to the hospital?", the driver asked and Tuomas stood up.   
"I'll go with her, so double the fee", he called and Tarja grabbed his arm.  
"Tuo -"  
"No, Tarja. I won't let you alone now."  
Tarja gave Tuomas a meaningful look. "Thank you", she whispered and he smiled.

Later they arrived at the little hospital and Tarja immediately jumped out. Tuomas paid the driver and then followed her.  
She was already screaming at a nurse and Tuomas pulled her away.  
"She doesn't want to let me to my daughter!", Tarja screamed.  
"Who is your daughter??", nurse Salonen asked helplessly.  
"Naomi Turunen-Cabuli", Tuomas answered instead of Tarja and the nurse nodded.  
"Are you the father?"  
"Yes", Tuomas answered without thinking.  
"Then follow me, Mr. and Mrs. Turunen-Cabuli", the young nurse said and they followed her, none of them daring to say something.

Tarja spotted Timo immediately. Before Tuomas could hold her back, she stormed to him and grabbed his collar. "WHAT HAPPENED?!", she screeched.  
"Calm down, she's fine", Timo said, Tarja let go of him and Timo straightened his back.  
And saw Tuomas.  
His eyes grew wide.  
"Tuomas??", he asked surprised. "Hey, dude!"  
"Hey, man", Tuomas said and grinned at Tarja's brother.  
"What are you doing here?", Timo asked.  
"He was with me when you called", Tarja answered and Timo's eyes grew wider. "Where is she??"  
"She's inside, the doctor just came out and said she's okay. She has a laceration on her head and a light contusion at her ribs, but that's everything."  
"It's still too much", Tarja whispered. "I need to see her!"  
Timo nodded and knocked at the door. The doctor opened.  
"Mister Turunen?"  
"Naomi's mother is here, doctor", Timo said and pointed at Tarja.  
"Ah, very well. Come in Mrs. Turunen-Cabuli."  
Tarja stepped into the room and Tuomas followed her. The doctor wanted to hold him back, but Tarja said weakly, "He may enter. He's ... the father."  
And before he entered the room, he threw a warning look at Timo, whose eyes were so big now, they looked as if they would jump out.  
"Mommy!", Naomi cried and Tarja bursted into tears as she saw her baby with a bandage around her head. She embraced the girl, who immediately started to tell her mother how stupid the doctors here were, they couldn't even understand her!  
"That's because they talk another language, sweetheart", Tarja explained to her in Spanish.  
"Like grandma?", Naomi asked and Tarja nodded.  
"How are you feeling, baby?"  
"Bad!", Naomi cried. "They sewed me!"  
Tarja looked at the doctor. "You had to sew her?"  
"Three stitches. We have put the strands out in a week."  
Tarja nodded and looked at her daughter again. "How could that happen?", she whispered and hugged the girl tightly.  
"I was with my cousin!", Naomi began. "Her name is Lilian. She even speaks a little Spanish, that's because her mother does, too."  
As Tuomas watched Tarja and the girl, his heart began to swell. He had never seen something so beautiful like Tarja, when she listened to her daughter.  
She held the girl with so much care, no doubt she loved her more than anything.  
And again you wish you could be her real father, Tuomas thought. You selfish man.  
"Mr. Turunen, could you sign here?", the doctor suddenly asked and handed Tuomas a piece of paper.  
"Sure", Tuomas answered. "But my name is Holopainen, we aren't married", he said and looked at Tarja sadly.  
"Then please sign with your name", the doctor said without asking questions. "We need a confirmation that Naomi can go home."  
A few minutes after Tuomas had signed and the doctor had left, Tuomas walked up to Tarja and Naomi.  
"We can take her home", he said gently and Tarja looked up.  
"Tuo!", she said surprised. "You're still here?"  
"Tuo!", Naomi said happily and held up her hand. "Mommy, which language does he speak?"  
"Finnish", Tarja answered and Naomi frowned, slowly taking down her hand.  
Tuomas smiled at the girl helplessly and the girl grinned back.  
"Tuo", she said again and Tuomas nodded.  
"Naomi", he said with a raw voice and Naomi giggled, holding up her hand again.  
And Tuomas slowly brought his hand up as well and touched her palm with his. Both were smiling broadly and Tarja watched them with an aching heart.  
What had she done?  
The bad conscience ate her.  
Why did she feel as if Tuomas and Naomi had seeked and found each other? Why did she think that she had to find out her own friendship with Tuomas had a chance to get more than just a friendship?  
Naomi seemed fond of him, she almost looked at him with an adoring look.  
And Tuomas looked at her ...  
Her heart clenched.  
He looked at her like a father would look at his child.  
"Okay", Tarja said with a dry mouth and Naomi and Tuomas broke their stare and touch. "We - we should go."  
"I'll check if Timo is still waiting", Tuomas quickly said and Tarja nodded.  
He left the room and Tarja took Naomi's jacket and put it around her. "Ah, Namu", Tarja sighed. "I'll never leave you alone again."  
Before Naomi could answer, Tuomas opened the door again. "Timo is already gone."  
"Okay, then let's walk", Tarja said and closed her daughter's jacket.

They walked back, Naomi in the middle. Tuomas held the little one's right hand, Tarja her left hand. While the little girl shrieked and laughed heartily when the grown-ups pulled her in the air, the elder ones were quiet.  
They didn't quite know what to think or say.

About half an hour later they reached the park where Tarja had recieved Timo's call. "Let's sit down a little and continue talking?", Tarja asked and Tuomas agreed, avoiding to ask which talk they should continue, they had barely talked before Timo had called.  
"Be careful, Namu!", Tarja called as the girl let herself fall in the snow.  
"She already feels better, huh?", Tuomas chuckled and sat down on the bench again. "She's precious", he told her once more. "You're so lucky, Tarja."  
"I know", Tarja said with a smile.  
"Will you tell your husband what happened to Naomi?", Tuomas asked and Tarja sighed.  
"I have to. It wouldn't be fair if I didn't."  
Tuomas replied nothing, but suddenly she could feel how he took her hand. He caressed her fingers with his, squeezing her hand gently, while Tarja observed her daughter with a beating heart.  
"Yes", Tuomas mumbled somewhere near to her ear. "Yes, Tarja ... I still love you."  
Tarja opened her mouth to tell him she loved him too, but she closed it again.  
She couldn't.  
She knew she couldn't, if she told him now, he would ask her to stay.  
She would have to divorce Marcelo, and she didn't want that. She also loved her husband.  
So Tarja remained quiet.


	8. Chapter 8

January 25th

Tarja hadn't been brave enough to call him after his confession, but she had been brave enough to text him. Two days she didn't even look at her phone, afraid that he had texted her something like Why didn't you answer after I told you I still love you?  
But he never texted her, so Tarja did. Almost ten days later she grabbed her phone in a free minute and quickly typed:  
'How are you?'  
Then she checked her other messages, deleted the Instagram, Twitter and Facebook messages with a mumbled "Not important" and read or deleted messages from the members of her band and friends. And then she saw Marcelo's message.  
'How are you, dear? I miss you. The house is empty ... I'm looking forward to February second! Give Namu a kiss from me. I hope she's fine! Love you.'  
Tarja bit her lip. She hadn't told him what happened to Naomi, yet. Ten days ago she had to get sewed and she hadn't told her husband.  
Tarja thought what she should write back. Her bad conscience ate her, to be honest she hadn't thought of him once, for the last days.  
'Marcelo', she typed. 'I'm fine and so is Naomi. But I don't know yet if I will come home on February second. I'm really busy, here. My mother needs all the help she can get, and so does my father. I hope you understand that.'  
Tarja chewed her lower lip. Should she write him that she needed space?  
'Maybe you shouldn't come here, she typed. Somehow I noticed that I needed some free time from Argentina ... and from you. I will come back when I know what I really want.'  
Tarja almost let her phone fall when a vibrating told her that she got a new WhatsApp message.  
She left the chat with Marcelo without sending the text and clicked at Tuomas' name.  
'Siren', he wrote.  
Tarja fell back on the couch, her heart beating madly.  
'It doesn't matter how I am. How is Naomi? How are you?  
I miss you. It's bad for me to hear nothing from you for such a long time ... You know? Call me ...  
The wolf'  
Tarja pressed her phone against her chest and tried to calm her heartbeat with a few steady breaths, before she answered him.  
'Hi wolf :)  
Naomi's doing great. She's asking for you ... We should meet, or shouldn't we?  
I'm perfectly fine, now tell me what's up with you.'  
After she had sent the message, Tuomas went online immediately. While he typed, she went back to the chat with Marcelo.  
"Fuck", she mumbled as she saw that the message was gone. It had vanished. Was it a sign?  
Tarja tried to hold back her tears as she wrote,  
'Hi, Marcelo. I miss you too. We are both fine, no worries! See you on Feb. 2nd. L y 2.'  
She was about to cry when she sent the message. Why was she such a coward?  
Her phone vibrated again and she clicked on Tuomas' name.  
'We have to meet. Soon. I miss you so much ... I'm sorry. The fact is, I have a problem. A big problem ...'  
"A problem?", Tarja whispered and stared at her phone. Tuomas was typing and Tarja waited until he was done.  
'I told you what I feel and now I can't marry Johanna. My feelings for her are not strong enough, they aren't as strong as the feelings I have for you, Tarja. I doubt I will ever find a woman I love more than you.'  
When Tarja had finished reading the message, she suddenly had enough. He was already typing again, but she interrupted him through pressing the little telephone sign and calling him via WhatsApp.  
And he really picked up.  
"Hello?"  
"We really should meet", Tarja said. "Alone. We have to talk."  
"We have", Tuomas said lowly.  
"When are you free?", Tarja asked and Tuomas chuckled.  
"You still don't get it", he said. "Ask me to jump off a cliff and I'll do it."  
"Tuo!", Tarja called shocked. "You are insane!"  
Tuomas laughed.  
"I'd never ask that from you!", she went on. "But why would you do it??"  
"Calm down", Tuomas laughed. "It was just a suggestion. But honestly, now - I'm always free for you."  
Tarja closed her eyes. What had she done?  
"Fine", she said. "I have to help my mother the next days, she's painting the whole house in a new colour. But on Friday I should be free again!"  
"That's a little late, Tarja", Tuomas whispered. I'm going to marry in a week ..."  
Tarja closed her eyes again. "Then come over", she said softly. "My mother will be glad to have you around ... And Naomi will be happy too. And about the talk, maybe we'll have time in the evening."  
"I'm on my way", Tuomas said and chuckled, as Tarja gasped. "I told you - ask me to jump off a cliff and I'll do it."  
Tarja shook her head. "See you, Tuo."  
"Until then, Siren", Tuomas said gently and Tarja quickly hung up.  
So, he'd do anything for her? Great, then it wouldn't be hard to tell him that he was doing the right thing with marrying Johanna.  
What else should she do? She would leave to Argentina, should she leave an unhappy Tuomas behind?  
"Tuomas will come over", Tarja shouted.  
"Okay", Marjatta called back, and suddenly Naomi stormed out of the bedroom, into the living room.  
"Tuo?", she shrieked.  
"Yes, sweetie, he will visit us", Tarja said and her daughter started to jump up and down.  
"Yay! Uncle Tuo! He is so nice! I like him so much!", the toddler screamed excitedly. "He has such a wonderful hair!"  
Tarja bursted into laughter as her daughter fell back on the couch and stared at the ceiling dreamily.  
"You are very into him, huh?", Tarja giggled and pressed her finger on the child's chest, tickling her.  
"Noo!", Naomi screamed with a laugh. "But you are!"  
Naomi laughed, but Tarja had stopped. Had she noticed ...? No, she couldn't. She was too young. She couldn't know that her mother felt for her best friend what she was supposed to feel for her husband.  
Tarja lifted the child up and kissed her. "I love you", she said. "Don't forget that."

Tuomas arrived only fifteen minutes later. Tarja opened the door of her mother's house in surprise. "Did you fly?", she asked and Tuomas smiled weakly as he saw that she was wearing an overall, wore no makeup and had her hair in a messy bun.  
She looked breathtaking.  
"I was in Kitee", he said. "I slept in my cottage the last days ..."  
"Wait", Tarja said slowly and stepped aside to let him enter. "You weren't with Johanna?"  
"I can't see her anymore", Tuomas said with a raw voice. "Everytime I look at her, I wish it was you ..."  
"Oh, Tuo", Tarja whispered and shook her head. "What are you going to do now?"  
Tuomas lifted up his shoulders. "Well, I'll marry her and hope that I will forget what I feel for you ... someday ..."  
Tarja sighed. "Do you want to help me paint?"  
"Sure", Tuomas answered and followed her to the living room, which had newspapers all over the floor.  
"There's the colour", Tarja informed him. "Mother wants her living room yellow."  
"Yellow", Tuomas said surprised. "You know what yellow stands for, don't you?"  
"No -", Tarja began and her mouth fell open. "Sure I do. Yellow makes you want to have sex."  
"Yes", Tuomas only answered and Tarja suddenly felt uncomfortable.  
"Uh - my mother paints the bathroom", she quickly said. "And Toni paints the bedroom."  
"Where is Naomi?", Tuomas asked gently and Tarja could hear how much he wanted to see her.  
"In the guest room, watching TV. She doesn't understand a word, but -" Tarja lifted her shoulder.  
Tuomas took a brush and grinned at her. "You look sexy, by the way."  
Tarja stared down at her overall, her face glowing. Years ago, when he used to say that, she had only laughed and never quite paid attention to it. But now she knew that he had meant it everytime. And he still did.  
"Thanks", she mumbled and noticed how Tuomas came closer.  
Her heart almost stopped when he laid his right hand down on her waist.  
"Tari ...", he mumbled gently and Tarja looked up, finding her face only inches apart from his.  
"Don't", she whispered. "You know that I don't feel the same ..." Her heart broke when she lied, lied right into his face.  
Telling him she didn't feel the same.  
Tuomas stepped away again. "Okay", he said, no sign of sadness in his voice. But when he immediately turned around, Tarja wondered if he had to hold back tears. That would be so him ... He had always been the first to cry.  
He started painting the walls and Tarja suddenly felt ashamed when she stared at his backside, realising that she craved for him.  
Just one kiss?, she asked herself and had already taken a step forward, when she came to her senses again.  
No!  
She turned around, grabbed her brush and continued painting.

None of them said a single word for almost an hour, until Naomi came in.  
"Tuo!", she yelled, almost flew into the living room and jumped on the man's leg.  
"Hi, precious princess", Tuomas said with a smile and Tarja had to swallow again. He'd be such a perfect father ...  
"Honey, please leave the room", Tarja said. "The air is not good for you."  
"Only if Tuo goes with me", Naomi said with a pout and Tuomas lifted the girl up.  
"What did she say?"  
"She wants some time with you", Tarja said. Leaving Tuomas behind was harder than she had thought. If Naomi wouldn't love him so much, everything would be easier.  
"Naomi, dear", Tuomas tried. "I have to stay here ... With mommy."  
"Mommy?", Naomi repeated and Tuomas nodded. The toddler grinned. "You also love mommy!", she said in Spanish and Tarja thanked God that Tuomas didn't understand her.  
"What did she say now?", Tuomas asked and Tarja took the child from him.  
"She understands that", she said a little dry, before she talked to her daughter again. "Ask uncle Toni if he can put another movie in for you. Tuomas will play with you later."  
Naomi nodded and Tarja put her down. The child smiled at Tuomas broadly, before she ran out of the room.  
"She loves me", Tuomas mumbled. "And I only wish that her mother feels the same ..."  
"You're being unfair", Tarja said.  
"Oh, and why? If I may ask, Mrs. Tarja Turunen-Cabuli?", he spit.  
"First, because of this", she screeched. "I'm married, get over it! And second - I can't change my feelings, Tuo. You have to understand that ..." Tarja went quiet at his painful face.  
"I understand that", he said. "And I know I can't leave Johanna, even though I want to."  
"No, you don't want to leave her", Tarja said and approached him. "It's just a phase ... You only think like that because I'm here now ... In a few weeks or months everything will be different."  
"I will never stop loving you", Tuomas pressed out and Tarja sighed.  
"Try it", she pleaded, but she knew that she would also never stop loving him. "Try to get over me. If it's necessary, we will have to avoid each other ..."  
"Yes, that would be the best", Tuomas mumbled. "Even though it would kill me ..."  
"Same", Tarja said. "But we should really break the contact ... again."  
"Completely?", Tuomas asked. "I will die, if I can't even text you."  
Tarja looked away, her heart slowly breaking. "No contact means no messages as well", she whispered.  
"I will miss you with my whole heart", Tuomas said. "I will always long for you, my siren."  
Tarja smiled sadly. "I'm sorry, wolf. But it's for the best ... Your wedding day will be the last day you'll see me."  
Tuomas nodded slowly, realising that he had to do something. He knew she didn't love him, but still he couldn't let her go like that!  
"Well ... Then you also won't come to my wedding-eve-party?", he asked and Tarja beamed at him.  
"Are you crazy? I'd love to, I love wedding-eve-parties! Why didn't you ask earlier?", she asked excitedly.  
"Because I thought you wouldn't say yes anyway. Emppu will come ... And Marco ... Also probably Jukka and Floor ..."  
Tarja nodded slowly. "I'll be there, Tuo", she promised. "When?"  
"January 31st. The party will start at seven in my parent's house. They will be there too." Tuomas grimaced. "I hope I can get rid of them somehow."  
Tarja lauhed. "I'll be there", she promised once again.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be prepared for a everything-changes chapter ... :)  
> \- Rena xx

January 31

Tuomas almost got a heart attack when Tarja took off her coat.  
She wore black silk stockings with lace flowers, a knee-long and waist-high black leather skirt and a black lacy shirt with an also black bandeau bra beneath. Her nails were black as well and her black shoes were about four inches high. Her hair hang loosely down on one side. She smiled at Tuomas shyly. "Hey", she said gently. "Am I too late?"  
Tuomas swallowed and shook his head. "I lied at you, to be honest", he said with a dry mouth. "The party starts at eight, not at seven."  
"Then what do I already do here?", Tarja asked confused and hung up her coat.  
"You welcome the guests", Tuomas answered with a light smile and Tarja lifted and eyebrow.  
"You didn't tell anyone about our friendship", she said and Tuomas nodded weakly.  
"I couldn't. They all know what I felt -" Tuomas sighed. "feel for you."  
Tarja nodded again and stripped off her shoes, which made her a lot smaller. "Okay, let's shock the party guests", she said and Tuomas grinned.  
"Madam", he said in a polite tone and opened the door which separated the anteroom and the rest of the house.  
Tarja walked past him and Tuomas couldn't help but check out her backside.  
Her curves killed him.  
She was so slim, but still all her curves were in the right places. His eyes wandered down, hung on her rear for a moment, and wandered back up again. Even her backside was beautiful.  
They entered the living room, and there the first surprise was waiting.  
The shocked "Tarja?!" showed the singer that Tuomas also hadn't told his parents.  
"Hey, Kirsti", she said with a smile. "Hello, Pentti."  
The two elder Finns stared at here as if she was a ghost. "Tuomas -", Kirsti started, but Pentti had already rushed forward and pulled Tarja in the same bone crashing hug, as Tuomas had done almost a month ago.  
Tarja hugged the man back, and as he let her go, Kirsti pushed her husband away and embraced the woman as well. "What are you doing here? Don't you know that Tuomas isn't over you, yet?", she breathed into her ear, but before Tarja could answer, she pulled away and cupped Tarja's face. "You are so beautiful!", she said with a hearty smile.  
"Thank you", Tarja answered quietly. Don't you know that Tuomas isn't over you, yet?, she had said ...  
Twenty minutes later his parents left the house.  
"Have you threatened them?", Tarja chuckled. "They seemed quite relieved to leave."  
"I paid them two nights in a spa", Tuomas answered with a shrug. "And of course they seemed relieved, don't you think they can imagine something funnier than a few drunk forty year olds?"  
Tarja laughed. "So, where's the alcohol?"  
"In the party room", Tuomas said. "Come down with me, you will be surprised ..." He held out his hand and after Tarja had decided to let every worry fall, she took it and they went down to the basement.

And Tarja was surprised indeed, when he opened the door to the old party room and she saw that it almost looked like a club, now. "Wow!", she said as she saw the stage and the great stereo, the mics and the instruments. The mirror ball and the colourful lights. The big TV and the couches and glass tables. The big counter and the amounts of alcohol behind it.  
"Welcome to club Holopainen", Tuomas chuckled, switched off the normal lights and Tarja's mouth fell open as the colourful lights began to blink.  
"You could ask for money and open a real club, down here", she said and Tuomas switched on the lights again, making the disco lights go dark.  
"We could", Tuomas said with a chuckle. "Well, the first guests should arrive soon ... As you know, there are always one who come too early."  
"And those who come too late", Tarja said.  
"Emppu, for example", Tuomas said.  
"Or Tuomas ...", Tarja said quietly and Tuomas smiled at the black haired woman.  
For a short time they both were silent, no one knew what to say.  
Tarja could still hear Tuomas' voice in the backside of her head, when he told her that he still loved her.  
And Tuomas could still remember her look, her first relieved and then anxious look. She hadn't replied anything, almost ten minutes they had been quiet, until Tarja had taken Naomi's hand, they said goodbye to Tuomas and then they had walked home.  
Tarja had left him back and this was when he started to think about everything again.  
Fact was, Tarja didn't love him. She never said so, but no answer is also an answer. He still loved her, but she would never return his feelings, so he could marry Johanna, whom he loved as well. And who loved him back.  
Tarja stared at her feet. How she wished to be able to tell him ... But he couldn't. She feared to lose Naomi, feared to lose Marcelo.  
"Tarja", Tuomas suddenly started, but Tarja shook her head.  
"Don't", she pleaded. "I know. And I'm sorry ..."  
"Don't be", Tuomas said gently. "I understand and respect you. It may have looked different, but I always did."  
Tarja smiled and Tuomas took a step forward, lifting her chin up with his index finger.  
"Show me your beautiful smile", he whispered and as she smiled up to him, he took a deep breath and quoted, "An angelface smiles to me ..."  
And his face came closer to hers.  
Tarja swallowed and wrapped her arms around him, turned her face away and hugged him tight. "Don't", she pleaded again. "Don't do this to me. And to yourself."  
Tuomas hugged her back wordlessly, his one hand on the back of her head, caressing her hair, his other hand on the small of her back.  
"But I love you so much", he whispered, helplessly trying to hold back the tears.  
"I know, wolf, I know", Tarja whispered back, her hart aching.  
Tuomas laid his chin on the top of her head and sighed. He would marry Johanna, tomorrow he would marry the woman he loved ... One of the women he loved.  
He should let go of Tarja, but why couldn't he? She didn't love him, why couldn't he accept that?  
"Sweet siren", Tuomas mumbled and Tarja closed her eyes.  
Would she really be able to watch him marry?  
After some time they slowly let go of each other and their eyes melted together.  
I can't kiss her, Tuomas thought. She won't let it happen.  
I should kiss him, Tarja thought. But this will change everything.  
Their thoughs got interrupted by the doorbell. Tarja jumped and Tuomas took her hand, already pulling her upstairs again.  
"Our first guests", he said excitedly and Tarja smiled gently.  
Our.  
When they had reached the door, Tuomas hid next to it, so the first thing to see would be Tarja, with no doubt.  
And Tarja opened.  
Marco's smile faded at first, but after not even a second his face lit up immediately.  
"TARJA?!", he roared and the next thing Tarja noticed was, that she couldn't breathe anymore. Marco was hugging her so tight, he even lifted her up from the floor.  
"Hey, Marco", Tarja breathed and now Tuomas showed up from behind the door, laughing.  
"Let her go, my God, she can't breathe anymore."  
Marco put Tarja down and smiled at her broadly.  
"Come in", she offered and Marco entered.  
"What are you doing here?", he finally asked.  
"Long story", Tarja said and threw a quick look at Tuomas. "To make it short, Tuomas and I are ... friends again."  
"Wow, that's amazing!", Marco said. But when the black haired shared a quick glance again, he knew that there was more then they wanted to tell.

Tuomas clinked his knife against his glass and it went quiet. He smiled into the little crowd and raised his glass. "My last evening as a free man!", he shouted and the party guests laughed, Tarja included.  
"Thanks for sharing it with me. I am ... happy to marry the woman I love", Tuomas said and Tarja's heart clenched, but she was still smiling.  
Marco observed her, a little concerned.  
"We have two special guests", Tuomas continued. "All of you have already seen them, well, how couldn't you."  
The guests laughed again, all of them had been welcomed by Tarja. "Jukka, my pal, welcome!"  
Jukka stood up and went over to Tuomas, hugging him shortly. "Hey", he said.  
Tarja clapped with a smile. Jukka and her had hugged for five minutes minimum, when they had met, and Emppu had even kissed her. He had seemed to be very happy about her return.  
Floor had immediately clung herself to Tarja, relieved that she wasn't the only women around.  
Then there were two other guys, the new ones, as Tarja called them, she couldn't remember their names, because she had already consumed a respectable amount of alcohol.  
After some time of thinking she had decided to drink alcohol, after all Floor drank alcohol too.  
Sure, she feared that it could affect her voice, but she needed to find a solution. After thinking and thinking she still wasn't happy with the current solution (ignoring Tuomas' feelings and go back to Argentina without telling him she loved him too).  
"... My dear Tarja!"  
Tarja jumped up as Tuomas called her name, and not a second after she was being dragged on the stage by Jukka and Tuomas.  
The crowd, especially the few non-Nightwish-members (about ten), clapped and whispered as Tarja stepped on the stage.  
"Hey, guys", she said a little unpatiently. "This will be a big wow, but yeah - Tuomas and I are friends again. And I hope that also Emppu, Jukka and Marco forgave me."  
"Sure, sweetie", Marco said and Emppu nodded, saying, "I hope you also forgave us."  
Tarja smiled. "I did", she said quickly, went off the stage again, and went directly to the bar, ready to make herself a Mojito, the only cocktail she knew by heart.  
While she added the lime and mint leaves, Tuomas approached her. "Is that for someone specific?", he asked gently.  
"Yes. For me", Tarja grunted and Tuomas went a little back.  
"Sorry", he mumbled. He could remember one single time when Tarja had been like that and he knew it was better to hide, right now. "Isn't it bad for you to drink like that?", he asked and watched the woman knocking back two Vodka shots in a row while she added more Rum than necessary in her Mojito.  
"Who cares?", she grunted and Tuomas could hear how drunk she was already.  
"I do", he whispered and got closer again, putting his hand down on hers. But she pushed it away.  
"You don't care a bit about me", she hissed. "If you did, you wouldn't have told me you loved me and confuse me with that. My world is tumbled and I have no idea what to do!"  
She forgot adding sugar in her drink and swallowed the whole inside of the glass within a second. After that, she leaned against the counter, her eyes closed.  
"Okay, that's it", Tuomas growled and circled the counter. Floor and Marco were singing on the stage and everyone was listening, so he lifted Tarja up and carried her out of the party room, without being caught by anyone.  
"What are you doing?", Tarja whimpered, not knowing how to deal with the fact that Tuomas carried her.  
"We have to talk", Tuomas said.  
He brought her up to his old room, where he immediately opened the window and lit himself a cigarette. "Want one?", he asked Tarja, but she declined. "I thought you didn't care about your voice anymore", Tuomas said with a shrug and Tarja let herself fall down on the bed, which was way too short for the grown up man now.  
"My voice is the only inportant thing, huh?", she asked. "For you, for my husband, for my fans ..."  
"What are you talking about?", Tuomas asked shocked and threw the half-smoked cigarette out of the window. He had quit, after all. What a stupid move of him to light a cigarette.  
Tarja sighed. "No one cares about me as a human, all they see is my face, my body, my voice. Like you did ten years ago."  
"TARJA!", Tuomas suddenly bellowed and went closer to her. "DID I TELL YOU I LOVE YOU, OR DIDN'T I??"  
"You did", Tarja whispered. "And you shouldn't."  
"But I do!", Tuomas said helplessly and fell on his knees, taking her hands in his. "I love you, Tarja, I hate what I did to you, I hate myself, I hate your husband and I want to marry you, only you. Yes, I do see your face and your body because you're beautiful, and I hear your voice because there is no more beautiful sound on this earth. But your character, Tarja. I fell in love with your human being and with your appearance. And I still love this side of you, I love all of you."  
Tarja bursted into tears. "Tuo", she whispered.  
"Okay, I'll stop", Tuomas said, but suddenly Tarja did something.  
She took his face between her hands, brushing his tears away with her thumbs.  
"I lied to you", she said gently.  
"About?", Tuomas breathed. The mint-green eyes were studying his face from so close.  
"About my feelings for you", she answered and caressed his cheeks.  
"But you said nothing about your feelings", Tuomas said with a light smile.  
"I didn't?", Tarja giggled softly and her face came closer. "Then I'll tell you now - you were my first love, Tuomas."  
Tuomas' heart suddenly stood still as the face of the love of his life came closer and closer, whispering the confession to him.  
"I only joined the band because of you ... I loved you and I still do. I love you, Tuomas."  
And when her gentle lips met his, everything seemed to be alright.


	10. Chapter 10

He gently touched her upper arms, which had erupted in goosebumps. He bent over her, his eyes never leaving hers.  
Her face showed no sign of anger, angst, uneasiness or insecurity as her hands wandered up and down his back, slowly caressing it, and then she closed her eyes.  
She pulled him down once again and kissed him, this time a little more longing than before.  
He put an arm behind her back and lifted her up, making it easier for him to lean into the kiss, after she opened her mouth to welcome his tongue.  
He could only close his eyes and hug her tight, while her hands glade through his long hair.  
With a fingernail she trailed his spine and he put his hands on her waist.  
They both couldn't remember when the clothes had started to fall.  
Somewhere between their second kiss and more love confessions, maybe. Or maybe during their third and heated kiss.  
They couldn't remember who had undressed who, maybe they had undressed themselves, maybe Tuomas had started undressing Tarja, maybe the other way round.  
But it didn't matter. They both had never felt so loved, so longed, so wanted. Tuomas touched her as if she could break, as if she would run away when he touched her, as if she wasn't drunk enough not to care. She was about to cheat on her husband, and Tuomas would understand if she changed her mind.  
But Tarja seemed as if she wouldn't.  
She broke the kiss and looked at him with so much intensity and care.  
"Tuomas", she whispered and smiled at him lightly. "We should have done that years ago."  
Tuomas could only nod, he was too stunned by the beauty beneath him. As her clothes had fallen completely, he had been sure that he'd died and gone to heaven. She had to be an angel, that was the only logic explanation.  
The angel had taken a step forward and soon their lips had melted into another passionate kiss. Tuomas hadn't been brave enough to touch her yet, but now as they both were naked, her legs wrapped around him and his chest pressed against hers, he couldn't stop his hands as he drew circles over her hips, waist, stomach, slowly wandering upwards.  
Tarja closed her eyes again and took her hands away from his back, placing them on the bed, next to her upper body, which she pressed a little upwards to give him a better access in touching.  
His touch was so careful and gentle, it made Tarja's heart beat and genitals throb. He caressed her sensitive skin with so much love, Tarja wanted to start crying. He was perfect, she had known he was. And she was just stupid, why had she never given herself to him years ago? Eighteen years ago, yes, that would have been appropriate. Then he would have also been her first.  
And wow, how he could hold back himself? She felt his shy touch and felt his erection, but he wasn't all too hard already. Somehow she didn't fear that she didn't turn him on, she felt that she did. He was holding himself back as good as possible, but why? Was he afraid that she would flee, as soon as she could feel his lust?  
Tarja sat up as good as she could and kissed the nape of Tuomas' neck, trailing her lips up to his ear, while the man still caressed her breasts, waist and back. She carefully bit his earlobe and moaned, "Are you ready?"  
"Ready for what?", Tuomas whispered back and Tarja laid back again.  
"Well ...", Tarja started and took his right hand. She kissed every finger before she led the hand down, placing them between her legs. "Question answered?", she asked, but when she put her hand away, he did as well.  
"We shouldn't do that", Tuomas breathed and Tarja looked at him with a startled face.  
"What ...?"  
"Siren ...", Tuomas started and took her face between his hands. "I love you more than anything, but I can't be the object of your cheating. You have a husband and a daughter."  
"And you have a fiancée", Tarja reminded him. "I also don't care about the fact I'm going to be the - uhm - object of your cheating."  
"If you and I make love tonight", Tuomas started quietly, "I'll have to leave Johanna. I couldn't live with the lie that I love her more than anything, because the woman who is my everything, is you. I'll leave her, if we share that bond."  
"Ever the so perfect Tuo", Tarja said gently. "Show me how much you love me and I'll stay with you ..."  
"You'll ... stay?", Tuomas whispered hoarsely. "You ... you'll stay with me?"  
"And be your wife and raise my child with you", Tarja whispered. "And ours."  
"You're drunk", Tuomas said, praying that she meant it. Marrying Tarja and making a baby with her - that was too impossible to believe.  
"I'm drunk, indeed", Tarja whispered and caressed his upper arms. "But I've heard that drunk people speak the truth ..."  
"That's true", Tuomas said with a dry mouth.  
Would she do that?  
Would she really leave Marcelo for him? And would she take Naomi with her?  
"Come on ... Let's do what we should have done so many years ago", Tarja whispered.  
Her eyes showed so much love. There weren't only signs of lust in them, she didn't need sex, she needed him. Only Tuomas.  
She knew exactly what she was doing, knew what she was promising him.  
"But I have no condom", he said lamely and Tarja smiled.  
"Oh Tuo", she whispered. "I'm taking the pill ..."  
"It's not because of that -", he started, but Tarja interrupted him.  
"Don't you want to feel my naked, wet walls around you?", she asked with a sultry purr and Tuomas swallowed.  
"It's because of being careful, Love. I ... I can't sleep with you without protection."  
"You think I have genital diseases?", Tarja laughed and shook her head. "I'm shocked. What do you think of me?"  
Tuomas grimaced. "You surely don't, but maybe I do ..."  
"Come on", Tarja said sternly and then she laughed again. "Okay, go down and ask one of your party guests for a condom."  
Now Tuomas laughed as well. He ignored the fact that their bodies were rubbing at each other and kissed her cheek. "I love you", he said with as much honesty as he could give. "I've loved you since ever and I'll love you forever. Believe me, I never thought of anyone else but you when I talked about 'the love of my life'."  
Tarja kissed his lips again. "I'll stay with you", she promised again. "Leave Johanna and I'll leave Marcelo. Let's elope."  
"Okay", Tuomas promised and their lips locked for another kiss, which ended in Tarja parting her legs and Tuomas entering her.  
He sunk down between her thighs carefully, gently, trying not to do it too quick. He wanted to savour the moment, the first time he made love to Tarja Turunen.  
The air was filled with breaths, sighs, laughs and love confessions, promises, moans, groans and sounds of making love.  
Slowly Tuomas took his beloved towards the edge, pushed her closer and closer to the peak, and she took him with her.  
She made herself tight around him, which made him loosen his walls and doubts. He loved her and she loved him, why shouldn't they belong together? They obviously did, he could feel it. The angel beneath him, the goddess around him, he was taking her as it should be. They were made to love each other.  
"I love you", Tuomas breathed and crashed his lips down on hers. He had grabbed her waist and was pushing himself inside her, both longing and gentle.  
Meanwhile Tarja moved her hips against him, helping him to take her, riding him from below.   
Their sweaty bodies collided when he kissed her and her hands grabbed the back of his head, holding tight on him while she pushed her pelvis against him again and again.  
Soon their moves had fastened and Tarja wasn't able to think anymore. This was right, why shouldn't it be right? He was the one, the one to love her forever. It was only right.  
"I - love you - too!", Tarja breathed against his lips and with one last push he brought her over the edge.  
She cried out his name with pleasure, while the orgasm crashed over her, washed away every worry, every doubt and every fear. Her ability to think was completely gone now, spasm after spasm shot through her body, making her muscles clench and loose again. The orgasm took away her breath, she could only feel how the man who made her climax continued pushing, while the spasms continued washing through her body. They left back a relieved and happy feeling in her chest, her heart and her head.  
Her eyes were shining up to him and she was smiling all over her face, and that was when Tuomas let go. She was happy, so he relieved himself into her, giving her everything he had.

Tarja awoke when a ray of sunlight hit her face. She slowly opened her eyes and moaned. Where was she? Why was it so bright?  
She felt her hangover immediately and closed her eyes again.  
'Shit', she thought. 'I was drunk.'  
She turned around and decided to sleep longer, when she felt something.  
Her genitals.  
They were sore.  
Tarja's heart stood still as she remembered.  
'I SLEPT WITH TUOMAS!!'  
She didn't open her eyes and remained quiet, and really - she heard him breathing.  
'FUCK!'  
She slowly opened her eyes and looked right into his calm face. He was still sleeping and hell, he looked cute.  
'I was so drunk', Tarja thought helplessly. They hadn't slept with each other once, they had done it twice. Or had she dreamt about the second time ...?  
Tarja carefully sat up and looked at the desk next to the window, on which he had fucked her a second time.  
It was a mess. Everything had fallen down to the floor, when Tuomas had wiped it off and it was still there.  
'Shit, I'm so dead', Tarja thought and left the bed, praying that he wouldn't wake up.  
She quickly dressed, her eyes never leaving the sleeping Tuomas.  
She had to leave.  
She regetted her words so much, regretted the things that she had said to him.  
That she would stay with him. Marry him. Raise Naomi and another baby with him.  
Tarja slipped into her black lace-clothes without caring about the underwear.  
She knew she had to leave an explanation, she just couldn't leave without a message!  
Tarja lifted up a sheet of paper and a pencil and started to write.  
When she was done, she took her underwear in her hand and left the room.  
Throwing a last glance at Tuomas, she whispered "Sorry" and closed the door behind herself.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey babes! Thanks for your support, but every story has to come to an end once. This chapter and prologue is rather short, hope you like it anyway ;P  
> Please recommend that story and leave a little review ... Also if you want a second part ;))  
> Love you a lot!!  
> -R

"Tarja! You're already back?", Marjatta greeted her daughter. "I thought you'd stay right for the wedding?"  
Before Tarja could answer, her mother continued talking. "Ah, or did you change your mind and want to take Naomi with you now? Wait a minute I'll get her to change her clothes."  
"Naomi and I are going to leave", Tarja said icily. "Please help me packing the stuff."  
"Wait - you'll leave now?", Marjatta asked shocked. "What about the wedding?"  
"I can't go", Tarja whispered and wiped her eyes. "Mother, I did something ..."  
"What, honey?"  
Tarja fell back at the chair and crashed her head on the table before she bursted into tears.  
"Honey", Marjatta breathed and embraced her daughter. "What it is, it can't be bad ... What did you do? Did you insult Johanna? Did you fight with one of the guys?"  
"I had ...", Tarja started and looked at her mother. "I cheated on my husband."  
Marjatta's mouth fell open and her eyes went wide. "What??"  
"I had sex with someone", Tarja whispered and hid her face beneath her hands.  
Marjatta closed her eyes. "With who?", she whispered, even though she already had could imagine with whom her daughter had slept.  
"Tuomas", Tarja said with a quiet and shaking voice and Marjatta's suspicion got certified.  
She hugged her daughter and held her tight. The woman was crying and that teared the elder woman's heart apart. "Shhh ...", she tried to calm her. "It's okay ... It had to happen."  
"Why?", Tarja sobbed. "Why do you think it had to happen?? Mother, I had sex with Tuomas! That shouldn't have happened ..."  
"Sweetheart, you always loved him and never stopped. And same goes for him. Of course it had to happen!" Marjatta rubbed her daughter's back. "How do you feel now?", she asked gently.  
"Ashamed", Tarja whispered. "Like a whore. I regret it so much ... I want to turn back time to kill myself while I seduced him ..."  
The elder Finn sighed. "That doesn't help", she said. "Okay, listen - it happened and you can't change that. Try to concentrate on what you want to do now."  
"Take Naomi and fly back to Argentina", Tarja said. "Never see Tuomas again and never think about this night again ... And only concentrate on my husband."  
Marjatta smiled. It definitely had to happen. This way Tarja had finally found out what she wanted in life, she wanted what she already had.

When Tuomas awoke, he immediately sensed that she was gone. Her scent lingered in the air and the memories crossed his mind. He closed his eyes again and tried to ignore his aching heart.  
She had left him.  
"I should have known", he whispered.  
But it had seemed so real! Her love declarations. She had told him she loved him more times than once. He had told her he would leave Johanna, if they made love. And hell, they had made love. Twice, first time loving and tender and second time hard and passionate ...  
Tuomas buried his face in the pillow next to him. It smelled like Tarja, smelled like her perfume, her hair and her sweat.  
Hot tears burned in Tuomas' eyes.  
She had told him she'd never leave him. She would come back to Finland, marry him, raise a baby with him ...  
***"Oh god ... Tuo, I'm - I'm coming ..."  
"Let go, baby, please let go, I'll be right after you ..."  
"Okay - oh god - oh - OH GOD, TUOMAS! GOSH, I LOVE YOU, OH HOW I LOVE YOU!"***  
Hadn't it meant anything? Had it been a lie? Had the words she screamed while she came been a lie?  
Tuomas decided to never leave this bed again. He would die in this bed with Tarjas' scent around him and her words in his mind. A picture of her naked limbs trembling beneath him, her face tense from lust and her hands all over his body.  
He could finally die as a happy man.  
After an hour, though, he stood up. He needed to call Johanna. He needed to tell her that the wedding was off.  
His heart ached when he looked at the messy desk. What a picture it had been, his naked goddess on this desk and him taking her again ...  
Tuomas shook his head and started to look for his phone ... And found it next to a sheet of paper, which was full of Tarja's handwriting.  
"What ...?", Tuomas whispered and took the sheet.  
'Tuomas', he read.  
'Good morning. Please don't throw this letter away, please read it. I decided to write you a letter rather than talking to you in person, because I know that this is how you like it ^^  
Anyway, listen. Tonight I did something stupid and so did you. We both cheated on the persons we love and the persons we belong to -'  
Tuomas shook is head. "I only belong to you, Tarja", he whispered.  
'... and I really regret it. I had to go, I hope you understand that. I'm going to return back to Argentina. Of course I'll tell Marcelo about this, but I don't demand from you to tell Johanna as well. Tell her if you want to, and if you don't, then don't. But please. I beg you, Tuomas.  
Please marry her.   
You will regret it, if you don't. I know that you love me, so I'll ask you again and as the woman you love:  
Marry Johanna and get happy with her.  
She loves you and she'll make you happy.  
I love you too. But I'd never be able to make you happy.  
That night was beautiful, no doubt. I could feel how much you love me. I could feel how much you craved me. But it was wrong, Tuo. It was a mistake. We don't belong together.  
Marry her, marry Johanna. Make babies with her and get happy. I'm okay, but I'd be sad to hear that you didn't do what I want. Do it for me. Marry her.  
And if we'll ever meet again ...  
Maybe we can laugh about it one day.  
And if we'll never meet again ... Then we can both die with the knowledge that I've done the right thing when I left.  
But I'll never forget you.  
Marry her.  
With love, Tarja.'

\---

Prologue

Tuomas never threw the letter away. He didn't tell Johanna, but he married her, to give Tarja her will. Everyone asked him what had happened the day before as they were suddenly gone and why Tarja wasn't at the wedding, but Tuomas still didn't tell anyone. Not Johanna. Not Emppu. Not his mother. He married Johanna and tried to believe what Tarja had written. That they would get happy.

Tarja had to wait two whole weeks until she saw Marcelo again, because he was at a business meeting somewhere in Canada, the time she came back. In those two weeks she thought long about it and decided to keep the encounter between Tuomas and her as a secret. So she didn't tell Marcelo, when he came back.

But soon everything would change.

\---

\-- End of If We Ever Meet Again --


End file.
